Do you know that a good night’s sleep is necessary for just about everything, even in business?
Some people have a hard time sleeping at night. When the world is that quiet, people tend to overthink.
WITH OR WITHOUT PEACE AT NIGHT?
The night is the time when our surroundings are quiet, but inner peace is robbed – it’s like we’re at war with ourselves.
We think about our futures, our expectations, but then we constantly get caught up with reality…
Have we started off the way we wanted? Will our business reach its goals? Why haven’t we heard from that client that seemed so interested? Why are these things happening? It’s supposed to be easier and not harder.
And on top of that… Will my kids succeed in school? Are they being bullied? Will they get good jobs, will my marriage last? Why does everyone look happy?
IT’S ALL NORMAL
It’s okay. I want to tell you… it’s all normal.
These questions in our every day lives may seem endless, but they’re normal.
BUT…
If you continuously let them rob you off of sleep, then things might just stop being normal after a while.
If this becomes a habit… you’ll lose the energy to tackle your problems.
If it’s robbing you of sleep one night – remember to prioritize your rest. Because only with a well-rested mind and body you can get back to functioning again properly.
IMPORTANCE OF SLEEP
Sleep… is very important for better health, wellness, and even for success in business.
Sleep is a basic biological function regulated by the circadian rhythm which is also known as our body’s 24-hour “internal clock” that controls our body’s sleep-wake cycle.
If this rhythm is disturbed, we get sick.
REQUIRED SLEEP FOR A GOOD NIGHT
Healthy grown-ups need 7-9 hours per night while younger people need more than that.
Repeated and continuous sleep inadequacy results in a lot of problems like obesity, blood pressure issues, cardiovascular diseases, and even stroke.
If you are in the business world… then imagine what could happen.
Could you still be husting if you’re too tired, unhealthy, or sickly, and already has a bad memory caused by lack of sleep?
SLEEP AND LEADERSHIP
The majority of people in leadership positions slept too little before the pandemic. Now, studies show that one-third have further negatively impacted their sleep because of this situation.
Some people say it is good to sleep less, that they will save time, get more done because they have more active hours. Maybe you are one of them – but I hope not.
It has long been accepted or even expected that a boss shall work hard and sleep lesser. That makes you a hero – you may think. But too little sleep can also have the complete opposite effect.
WHAT LACK OF SLEEP DOES
Lack of sleep affects your cognition in a brutally negative way. If you have been awake for 18 + hours your tiredness increases quickly and your cognition ticks down to the same level as if you have 0.6 per ml of alcohol in your blood. Can you still make great and logical decisions at this level?
Remember, bad decisions cause loss of profits in the business. Not only by the less ideal work from the boss but also from their workgroups less ideal result because of bad leadership and so on in negative ripples.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
How to avoid these things from happening?
Or…
What can you do to improve your sleep?
STEPS TO TAKE TO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP
1. Avoid caffeine and cigarettes near sleeping time.
These are stimulants and you don’t want to have much active brain stimulation right before sleeping time.
2. Avoid alcohol.
Alcohol indeed makes you feel drowsy and sleepy, but too much of it makes your sleep pattern disturbed.
Wonder why you wake up feeling tired even after sleeping long hours after drinking too much alcohol? This is why.
3. Be physically active.
Being physically active helps your body rest and sleep better at night. Even just a 30-minute brisk walk can do.
Just remember not to do it too close to bedtime so you won’t be in the hype as you try to sleep.
4. Optimize your sleep environment.
With this, we mean avoiding bright lights or television as blue lights block most of your sleep hormone melatonin.
What you can do instead: Listen to soft music, read nice books.
5. Establish a daily routine.
With a daily routine, your brain and body already know what to do, it will be automatic.
And this is important because not everyone can fall asleep the moment they lie down.
IF YOU GET TORMENTED AT NIGHT…
These are just some helpful basic tips.
But if you are one of those people who upon laying at night gets tormented with their thoughts…
Let me share with you the method that I learned and helped me when I was trapped in an insolvency a few years ago.
Try and start to think of a mantra-like: “I am thankful for this bed, I am thankful for this pillow, and I am thankful for this blanket.”
YOUR MANTRA
Keep repeating your mantra until you feel relaxed and comfortable. Keep your brain occupied with these good thoughts to shut down tormenting ones.
I have met a few others who also have done the same technique and today, I prioritize this tip in my mentoring.
These are just a few things you can do combined with the acceptance of the situation.
FIND THE BALANCE
The most important is to take a look at the whole situation, make changes in your life, and find the balance in between.
Well, I have this song dear to my heart…I was one of those big Beatles fans and there’s this song that hit me as it’s so different from all the general love and rock songs.
“The lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they belong? Ah, look at all the lonely people…” – sounds familiar?
For me, this song has a very serious message.
ANDER HANSEN’S THE DEPRESSED BRAIN
I have been reading Anders Hansen’s “The Depressed Brain” lately and one chapter from this book has really good insights about loneliness… and I thought it’s worth sharing them.
Let’s begin.
Imagine a medical state that affects more than a third of us and for one out of twelve is as tough and dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. There is one, and it’s called loneliness.
It’s one of the most surprising discoveries within medical science, finding that friends and family not only give life meaning but also prolongs life and helps us stay healthy.
Amazing, isn’t it?
The sad backside is that the lack of human connections gives the risk of illness.
WHAT IS LONELINESS?
To start with, let’s define loneliness.
What is it really?
The somewhat odd medical dry definition is a worry-producing difference between being asked for and a factual perceived level of social connection.
That shows an important fact… that loneliness is the difference between how many social connections we have and how many we want to have.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE LONELY?
It is not a fixed number of Facebook friends, dinner party invitations, phone calls, etc., and differs from person to person. Take me for example, I am perfectly happy in my own companion for long hours and don’t need that many people around me to feel happy whereas some people I know almost panic if they need to be by themselves for a few hours.
THE FEELING OF BEING LONELY IS SUBJECTIVE
The experience, the feeling of loneliness is subjective and not the same thing as being by yourself. We can feel a real closeness to others even if we are by ourselves and also feel very lonely and isolated in a crowd.
So… If you feel lonely, you are lonely. And if you don’t feel lonely, you are not lonely – regardless of what your social life looks like.
It is all about your subjective feeling.
Now, don’t freak out if you feel lonely for some time now and then. It will only affect your health if it has been ongoing for months or years. To be frank, loneliness is a natural part of our biology and it’s unrealistic to believe that you can live a whole life without it.
Let me share something…
RESEARCH ON LONELINESS
A group of researchers tested 5000 people in Australia, 50 years being their mean age on their feelings in small and big groups. 2 years later, the same people answered the same questions but already took into consideration the changes that have happened within two years.
Now, that same research shows that some people who were showing signs of depression at the first round of testing showed fewer such signs after joining groups and gaining more social connections.
LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION: WHICH COMES FIRST?
There’s also this ongoing question of whether loneliness or depression comes first… and research concludes that it’s the former and that if you break the loneliness, then your chances of getting out of depression is higher.
Another big research following people over 12 years showed that 20% of all depressions were caused by loneliness and that loneliness not only affects the mind but also the body.
CAN BEING LONELY KILL YOU?
Would you believe that when the researchers looked at how some people with heart diseases died sooner than the rest of them, they saw that some patients didn’t just die because of the diseases – but also from loneliness?
The same results were shown with women with breast cancer – the ones who isolated themselves had higher risks. Studies on the overall risk of dying show that loneliness is a very important factor to have in mind.
OUR AUTONOMIC NERVE CELL SYSTEMS
So why is it like this?
Most of our body functions are steered by autonomic nerve cell systems.
This involuntary system has two settings – the sympathetic and the parasympathetic.
The sympathetic is our stress system – fear, fight, and flight. While the parasympathetic system energy goes to the calm, and, digestion of your food.
Parasympathetic is activated when you breathe slowly.
Both of these systems are constantly active in our bodies, and which one is dominant depends on the current situation we’re in.
When you run for the bus and have that important presentation at work, your sympathetic system rules. But when that presentation is over and you eat lunch after, the parasympathetic system rules.
One would think that the parasympathetic system is more active when you are lonely because you have all the time for yourself and nobody to fight against. But oddly enough, it’s actually quite the opposite.
LONELINESS AND SYMPATHETIC SYSTEM
Loneliness… triggers the sympathetic system and is connected to fight and flight rather than the calm or digestion of food.
Further research shows that loneliness makes us see the world and other people as more threatening, so we become sensitive to people’s faces and interpret rather towards the negative or the neutral expression.
Our brains amazingly develop sensitivity for these signs and see the world as hostile.
LIVE A GOOD AND LESS STRESSED LIFE
I know it already sounds depressing as it is, but my mission is to help people understand how it works and what we can do to live a good and less stressed life.
So with all this information, here’s a list of what you can do:
Take loneliness seriously.
Look for the signs. When you feel low, find that last glimpse of energy to call someone if necessary, or take a brisk walk to clear your mind and be able to think on your next move.
Find a solid support system.
If you often feel lonely, find a solid support system you can lean on. Join any group/organization that spikes up your interest, or find a group with the same hobbies as you. This way, you can do something you love and share your passion with other people. This can be a good way to start with – and the rest will come.
Help others.
If you are lonely, that doesn’t mean that you can’t help anyone. In fact, you can even help yourself by helping others who need help. Through helping, your brain gets rewarded with the feel-good hormones and it can make you happy. Once it has put you into positivity, you’ll be shocked with the energy and the effects it can give you.. You surely will end up helping more because it makes you feel so good and happy. You know what they say? There is always joy in helping.
If you know people around you who are lonely, do not frown because you can still help them.
Did you know that if someone is lonely, one tiny act can light up their mood and spread positivity? There’s a lot you can do, and here are some:
Send them a postcard.
Getting a real snail mail post is scarce today and admit it – when you get one, you feel special. What makes you think they won’t?
Give them a call.
A phone call means a lot. Did you know that there was a study conducted for 240 people who lived alone where they received phone calls from a group of young people for just 10 minutes and only twice a week, and after 4 weeks the loneliness scale of these people went 20% lower?
Be kind.
You never go wrong with this one. You don’t know who among the faces you see fight a deep battle within, so saying kind words matter. A guy’s with you in the elevator? Smile and wish him a nice day. A girl sitting with you on the bus? Smile and greet them good morning. You’d be shocked to see that these tiny acts of gesture mean a lot and go a long way. You’d be shocked with the smiles you see on their faces.
Our stress hormones don’t spike up quickly and suddenly, it has signs before spiking up!
And yes, it’s already your stress hormones above the normal level – but you aren’t aware of it.
You don’t realize it happening at all and that is okay because you are not alone, there are many of you…
But that’s why exactly I have this blog, to educate and help you all figure it out.
When your perceived demands from the outside are in contrast with what your inner power can handle, your body and mind react and that reaction is the stress you’re feeling. But this shows up in many different ways that can be sometimes hard to even recognize.
To help with that, I’ve compiled the 5 Big Stress Signs to Look Out For.
1. DRINKING MORE
All of a sudden, drinking has become your habit.
You almost never used a drink in a workweek before, but now it has become your cup of tea to wrap up your day to relax in the evening.
Why and how is this a sign? Alcohol is a super and natural tranquilizer, so if you feel heavy or have had a heavy day, it’s natural for you to look for this to ease your feelings.
Now that most are working from home and drinking becomes easier, some even started drinking while working.
If you start looking forward to alcohol just to end your day, it’s a sign that you have a high amount of stress in your days. Do not ever become alcohol dependent and if you do, get help. It’s all normal.
2. ANGER
You get irritated and angry on simple things, and when you start to think why you’re reacting that way, you can’t even pinpoint a reason, because the reason is already stressful.
When you are stressed out, you have a hard time structuring your thoughts and the lack of control feeds anger. You retire back into your ancient brain using all the automation it has for your behavior.
You are very lucky if someone close to you notices this and calls you out for it in a nice way because this will be hard to reflect on and notice by yourself.
If you get called out, do not get mad but instead reflect and if you see someone acting the same way, do them the same favor because they won’t automatically see it themselves.
3. Headaches.
You never used to have frequent headaches but now it happens so often. You take pain relievers that work for a few hours and then the headache is back but you’re not at all sick.
This kind of headache is called tension pain because the muscles on the scalp are constantly in tension when you are stressed out.
Before you start googling and panicking about what you see, try first the best treatment for tension headache – RELAXATION.
Relax, take a breather, do something you love and if relaxing doesn’t help, go get tested for other possible causes but still – no panicking as it adds to your current stress and thus gives you more headache.
4. You start to be forgetful.
You forget where you put things. You forget your keys, telephone, purse, notes, and more. And you forget names, words, people, places.
When we are stressed out, our brain gets overloaded and the electric impulses lose their way. The whole system shuts down if not given a break. It simply says – “I am out of order, I need to rest!” And that is why we forget.
Surprisingly, many people first fear they are getting dementia, even the fairly young ones. If you are 65+ that is a valid thought. But if you are a busy business leader, stress is the first thing to consider.
The good thing is that there are so many ways to help this situation.
ALL your brain wants is some space, peace and calm, rest, and a chance to rearrange the nerve threads by taking a break.
It’s literally screaming “let me off the hook for a moment!”
To do that, you can take deep breaths, exercise, sing, dance, jump, meditate, affirm, or whatever it is that can make you happy.
5. Failing to do routine tasks.
When you have to re-do your tasks over and over again but those tasks are not new to you.
Stress releases stress hormones and these hormones make us act as if there is a danger around the corner. It makes us hurry up and at the same time, we lose our concentration and do things more sloppy.
Instead, we need to slow down and be careful and in the end, we will be faster since it got right the first time.
These are 5 very common situations when stress is playing tricks on you.
If you learn to watch out for these 5 signs in your own behavior you will help yourself from stress and overwhelm.
But know that each person is different and signs vary, so these are just the most common ones.
STRESS PATTERNS
Find your own stress pattern.
Other seen signs include anxiety, shaking, concentration problems, tummy ache, getting infections, hair loss, sleep problems, over/under-eating.
Since these patterns and symptoms creep up on you slowly, it is hard to make the connection to it being the stress that causes the signs. You don’t actually want to see these signs in your own life. It is so much easier to not see – deny and go on as usual.
But if you as a business leader see these signs in your workgroup, you can do wonders with building a great, successful, and healthy team. You can do that just by acknowledging them and telling them what you see in a nice way – and helping them on the next step.
STRESS AS A WARNING SYSTEM
WE HAVE TO LEARN TO USE our stress warnings RIGHT.
Find your blind spot.
Find your blind spot when you are stressed out – how do you know when you are stressed out?
To give you an example of what blind spots could be, mine is I get everything in slow motion, everything in my head becomes slow motion when I am stressed out.
With this, I take breaks, step backward, and all is okay because this saves me from burnout.
What about you, what do you think is your blind spot?
Why is it important to stay in the present and not look back?
Last week, I posted about stress in the middle of family time and one of the things I mentioned was about the memories from the past, and the no-good it brings.
Sure, while it’s fun to reminisce and all because good memories are always to treasure, you must remember to stay in those good memories and refrain from remembering the bad, and NEVER the “what ifs”. NEVER REGRET.
Why am I saying this?
MAJOR TURNING POINTS IN LIFE
When you are at a turning point in life – like the New Year celebration coming up every year – you always want to look back to see how it was before.
This does not only apply to New Year. It also works for any changes like changing schools, changing work, changing relationships, changing homes, or just about any turning point in life. You always want to look back and see what happened..
That is not a good practice, as this is where comparisons are done… This is where what-ifs are done.
REFLECT ON THE PRESENT AND NOT ON THE PAST
What we really need is to reflect on the present so we can make use of it to plan our future and be happy and successful.
“But I look in the past to use it as an inspiration that if that didn’t happen I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”
That is great!
However, generally, not everyone can do that as our brains are naturally wired for the negatives, set to focus on them to avoid dangers, like a survival instinct – to see the enemy before they see you.
Remember my post about surviving in savannah 200000ish years ago and how our biology didn’t change much but only the world? That’s it.
LESSONS, NOT EMOTIONS
So for looking back, thoughts must be controlled with all of the willpower that you have. Always remember to only get the lessons, but never get back on the emotions.
Once you have the lessons, use them in the now, and you can also start to look forward. What do you want? And although it’s not always obvious what we want, we still can as we always have a vague idea of what it could be.
What only stops most people is the fear – fear of the unknown, fear of failure.
The uncertainty is always huge so fear shows up in all its glory, but as most risk-takers have said, “You really wouldn’t know unless you try”. right?
GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Getting out of your comfort zone is where you grow, and the trick to get by your thoughts is always to stay in the now.
Be in this moment right here, as both the past and the future are just thoughts in your mind.
You cannot get back to the past, and the future has not yet happened – enjoy the process and see where it will take you.
There is no shortcut to success. Behind it is multiple times of failure, it’s just a matter of letting it win over you or trying again.
WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?
The key is…
TO HAVE A GOAL AND TO WORK ON IT EVERY DAY.
Once you have a goal, once you’ve found your purpose and your practice working on them every day…
They will become habits that you do not mind doing every day and one day, you’ll just be shocked that from the bottom you’ve now reached the top!
Set a goal outside of your comfort zone and watch yourself slowly grow…
BABY STEPS MATTER
And if your goal seems hard to achieve, remember that BABY STEPS MATTER. If you are patient and consistently work on your goal and just enjoy the process, you’ll be there without you even realizing it.
You can start with 5 first action points, and the rest will show up as you go along.
When something is into your subconscious already, your mind makes you act on it.
Big family reunions, tiny gatherings, being cozy at home?
One thing’s for sure, it’s supposed to be fun and a time for healing.
But is it always the case?
We can all agree it’s not. For some people, just hearing the word “family reunion” triggers their “stress button”.
FAMILY STRESS
How are people getting stressed about family matters?
Well, it brings up old patterns, traditions some left, and what about the expectations you’re expected to live up to? Family time’s supposed to be fun until all these come.
AVOIDING FAMILY STRESS CAUSES
To avoid being stressed by these things, here are some tips I can share with you. These are the things that I did when I experienced the same, and it really does work wonders, all the time!
Y’all ready?
1. Make traditions your own way.
How do you want the family reunion to be? What’s important for you? Communicate and talk about it, maybe others want to do changes too but haven’t dared to say it out loud like you. Now is the time!
2. Get out of your comfort zone.
Outside your comfort zone shows how you deal with scenarios you’re not familiar with. Outside your comfort zone is WHERE YOU GROW.
3. Show people YOUR tradition.
Many will try to pull you back into the old mold because not everyone’s open to change. But be persistent, live your life and show them that traditions can be grown out and changed.
FIND THE MEANING
Of course, aside from things like these, there are also a lot of other possible causes for stress during family time.
But remember that it all starts with identifying what it means to you.
So…
The most important thing to do is ask yourself the question:
“What is family time for me? What makes it family time?”
From there, set your boundaries and plan your agenda for that day, regardless of whether you’re hosting or not. Because only when you have peace of mind can you have real family time.
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