We, humans, are more alike than we think, more than we can imagine.
Surprising, isn’t it?
While we all think we’re so different, we’ll be surprised with the info that we’re not.
But how’s that even possible?
To begin with, the differences are just really minor differences such as the countries we come from, the languages we talk, or our physical features.
But boil it down to beliefs, and cultures, dig deep down and we’re still more alike than different.
WHAT’S INSIDE US
We all have the same basic biology, regardless of color or gender, we’re all exactly the same inside.
The stress hormone systems that we have are all exactly the same and work the same. So really, we could all look so differently outside but looking deeper, we’re not.
HUMANS ARE HERD ANIMALS
Do you know that a person can change so much in an instant?
It’s true. Observe someone you know, and focus on how that person interacts with different types of groups, does that person act all the same?
I know a lot of people, who have different groups of people, and in one group they are quiet and more preserved because that’s the way their group works, and in the other, they’d be super energetic, doing whatever.
It’s like seeing a person with different versions, and the version depends on the crowd they are with.
Why? Because we all have our basic parrot padding and we mimic the ones we have around us. We are herd animals and we want to be like the rest of the group because that is how we are trained, how we’re taught.
Remember your childhood? You were taught to act like the adults around you.
Well, we still do that now, unconsciously, we tend to act like those who are around us.
THE SCIENCE BEHIND HUMANS
Biology is universal by logic. We were only brought up differently from childhood but in reality, we haven’t changed in 200,000 years, why would we change in a lifetime that we don’t?
“No, we are all still different, my belief is different from theirs, from yours.”
I know, that’s how it is and I’ve nothing against that. To each his own, right?
What I’m only saying is…
A belief is a choice, and at any second of the day, we can choose something different, we can change what we believe in.
If you choose to believe in something negative in the morning, you can just quickly change that and choose to believe in something positive in the afternoon.
WE HAD NO CHOICE when we were kids – that is the time in our lives when we are shaped in so many ways
TAKE LANGUAGE FOR EXAMPLE
I have always been amazed by the fact that children in other countries speak THEIR language fluently when I know how hard it is to learn a second language.
Of course, they did not speak Swedish but I did not reflect on it that way when I was younger.
Today I know that a healthy child just HAS TO learn the language spoken around them when they are babies.
That is how our biology works – they just do learn in the first couple of years – they have no stop mechanism for that.
Imagine what that means! What if I in Sweden gave birth to 5 babies – and they stayed with me they would all speak Swedish when they grew up? If the father in my family would be native English speaking, the children would be bi-lingual – not by choice but by rule. And they would have adopted the Swedish English traditions that we feed them with.
AND if we had sent those 5 babies away right after birth to 5 different continents, with totally different languages and traditions they would have no knowledge of Swedish or English and they would have totally different basic traditions in their way of living.
And if these 5 persons met in later years – they would look alike but have no common language.
Get the idea?
WE WEREN’T GIVEN MANY CHOICES, WE WERE MOLDED
What did I want to say with this: We weren’t really given much choice and we were raised and molded instead by people around us when we were kids.
But now, WE CAN CHOOSE WHO WE WANT TO BE, WE CAN EVEN CHOOSE WHO WE SURROUND OURSELVES WITH.
YOU YESTERDAY, OR YOU TODAY?
Do you want to be that person from yesterday or start finding the real you today?
No matter what, remember that despite the tiny differences we have, WE ARE MUCH MORE ALIKE.
So, be kind to one another and treat everyone with respect.
HUMANS ALIKE, THE SAME STRESS SYSTEM
Regardless of the minor differences…We all have the same stress system that steers our basic behavior.
Biology needs us to be like herd animals to survive – that makes us look for people who are alike – because with similar people we feel safer. And when we are alike we reassure each other with what we do and we do the same.
This ends up in groups that will do good and also in groups that will do bad.
Since we encourage each other in a group to do the same – by those biological laws – a group that is hostile towards others can do a lot of harm – to be accepted in the group.
WHAT WE LONG FOR
As individuals we long for appreciation, to be seen – it is a basic need to survive. First of all, appreciation of who we are, just as that.
If we don’t get that appreciation, we search for appreciation for what we do – good things, hard work, good grades, work, etc. because we want and need to be seen.
If that doesn’t work either – then we start doing bad things – just to be seen. And if necessary we do really bad things to reach the goal. Or it might end up in suicide – that is how strong this drive is.
And this basic personal need is then put into the group mechanism and we have all these tragic things going on and all the hatred towards others – just because it works this way
And all we wanted was to be seen…
WHAT HAPPENS TO OUR BRAIN WHEN STRESSED
One can say we have 3 layers in our brain system: The Reptile Brain, the Limbic System, and the Logical Brain.
The Reptile Brain stands for our automatically regulated functions – like keeping blood sugar levels right, temperature, hunger, and that heart beating – all basic functions that we cannot control with our will. It works on instinct – and when it is in charge we don’t think clearly or reflect – we just do.
The Limbic System is where our center for feelings is (aka the mammal brain). This is where our behavior is steered by feelings – like if you feel sad you feel an urge for comfort food and think of going to get some sweets or so. You do things to lessen the bad or sad feelings and it can make you do dumb things just to silence your feelings.
The Logical Brain is the one we use for all thinking, with a will, cognition, memory, processing of sensory input, and abstractions, but what’s interesting is the logical brain can quickly throw us into our mammal or reptile brains.
For example, if we read a scary part in that book it might throw us back into the mammal brain to seek comfort, go eat something for example, or it might throw us all the way into the reptile brain where we have the feeling of fear.
It is within these layers of our brain that we live and the more insecure you are the more likely it is that you are in the inner two layers – bouncing between feelings and instinct action – and this is not the place where we feel happiness or health or wealth.
Our logical brain requires a lot of energy and when we are stressed it’s the first part to shut down, which means that it turns into the mammal brain by automation and that deprives us of making conscious decisions and makes us more prone to follow old set biological programs that were installed in us in our childhood as I talked about earlier.
If we go on with the stress, we will go into the brain fog and it stops working – we then just work on instinct – we have hit the stress wall.
So, now that you can see how simple our basic biology is and still how extremely hard it is to navigate all these laws to stay healthy, less stressed, and be able to look at all other creatures = people whatever different they look like – and accept them as equal.
I’ll repeat again –
Be kind to one another and treat everyone with respect. And since all we want is to be seen… show appreciation to everyone around you.
Here’s access to a more step-by-step guide on self-development: Access Here!
You may be asking, is there a way that you can stay efficient both at work and at home, without compromising either?
You are tired, you feel worn out.
These days, you’re also fed up with all the “what’s happening in our world” talks as it’s ruling everybody else’s life, including ours.
Like you, I had my hands full before and just did not need any other extra burden. It was a never-ending story with tasks waiting to get done.
You still have many hours left at work, and a pile of tasks but you just want to sleep and be able to forget everything. And stress? It’s already taking a strict grip on your brain.
HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? Recognize.
Everything that’s happening in our world today makes us a little more uncertain, and uncertainty’s naturally a threat to our brains so stress creeps up on us without us noticing until everything just becomes so heavy and hopeless.
WILL UNCERTAINTY HURT YOU
Not really if you take the time to rest and rejuvenate from time to time, or prevent yourself from constantly ending up n that situation by acting at first signs.
To help you, I’ll give 5 proven EASY tips that give you calm, energy, better structure in work, and in the end when all combined, better life or revenue business-wise.
1. The Breathing Anchor
What other BESt here and NOW tool than your ability to take deep breaths??
Admittedly, others see breathing as just breathing – but believe me when I tell you, and as a Doctor, that IT IS NOT. It’s the basic source of life. No breathing, no oxygen = no life!
In a workshop with a group of businesspeople, I was teaching them this tool. One man went almost crazy stating that he was absolutely not doing any breathing exercise – it was just all wo-wo.
I had to calm him down. He even told me not to play games with him. I said, well then by normally breathing he was halfway there – he just needed to start seeing it as a tool.
We showed the whole group how to do the breathing in a good way and off they went for 4 weeks. The guy did not look happy when we parted.
4 weeks later at the next workshop session, this man comes up to me – apologizing for his behavior the last time.
He had – behind closed doors – tested the exercise and noticed that he did feel better – less stress and got better flow in his work and realized it was a good thing!
So, if you start to use breathing as a tool, you will have a friend for life.
Make it your first automatic thing to do when you feel the stress come creeping up your back.
Just stop and breathe..
I heard someone call it your 10-second vacation – and that is a very good way to see it – that is just what it is. 10 seconds of peace of mind – and that can make all the difference.
Someone else calls it your airbag – to release when stress hits you.
Whichever of these analogies you use – don’t forget to utilize this free, effective, and readily available tool.
2. PHYSICAL MOVEMENT
Stand up, jump, stretch, walk around! Movement generates energy in both body and mind by improving cell connections in the brain.
Angry, upset, or stressed out? Walk around the block and you’ll be surprised you’ll feel calm.
Notice how when people fight and someone who doesn’t like talking much when full of emotions just walks out, and then comes back ready to talk calmly? That’s what I’m talking about.
Wayback 200,000 ish years ago we were equipped with 3 main ways to react to threats: flight, fight or freeze – combined with a 4th tool – the ability to move.
Moving plus thinking has a connection. Lost a thought? Move and you’ll remember it easier.
Physical movement gives us clarity, and when we’re thinking straight, we can do great unexpected things.
3. A BREAK.
Our brains don’t like being active for too long. They need to rest and reorganize every now and then.
Sprint 20-50 minutes of work, then squeeze in a 5-15 minute break. Get a coffee, breathe, exercise, stretch, jump, sing, dance… Do crochet, sew – whatever makes your heart happy!
4. Delegate!
Have someone else do the work! Repetitive or routinary tasks that can be taught one time? A task that follows a specific process you can teach? Boring easy tasks?
True enough, not everyone has somebody else to delegate to, but buying a service from someone who in no time can do what takes you ages is always an option! In return, you’ll get more time at your hands and focus on things you do the best.
5. MAKE A STRUCTURE.
Get your working routines in order. Get help from systems and structures that already exist. It may take a day or two to do these organizing changes to get a system that works. But you will soon get all that time back and lots more upfront when your work is much more effective in your daily routine.
Once you have a structure for everything, it can easily be taught and passed on, and implementing #4 above will be waaaay easier!
I know all this sounds too much to take but coming to think of it, they’re all easy, and once all set, make your lives so much easier!
I have received questions before about taking a pill instead to calm down… but, let me warn you on that: Yes, it is true that if you take it all will seem good because you’ll feel calm and better but NO, you’re not done with your “stress problems” and your problem is NOT SOLVED.
Just like alcohol… it helps in a day but certainly only offers temporary relief and solves no root cause of a problem. In fact, can even cause an additional one – alcohol addiction.
So no, I say do not succumb to these temporary solutions because quick fixes never work.
MANAGE TASKS TO BE EFFICIENT
Making a list of things to do or tasks at hand plays a crucial role in this journey, as well as prioritizing them in order.
When you don’t have anything that requires urgency, then that’s your excuse to just go pick random tasks because it’s obvious that the one that you pick is also the one that you like the most to do.
Although we tend to pick the easy ones first, I suggest doing it the other way around because ticking off the hard ones from the list can put your mind at ease.
Nobody for sure would like the hard ones getting piled up… or it becomes unmanageable.
CATEGORIZING YOUR TASKS
If you get confused about which task goes first while making your list, I advise you to break them down into these 4 categories:
1. Urgent and Important
Examples of tasks that fall under this category are those that you cannot always predict and require immediate action or attention to stop further harm if any. These tasks give you the feeling to drop other tasks and do only these tasks NOW.
Both things that include preventing conflicts or making you lose an important opportunity go here.
2. Not Urgent But Important
These tasks, since they are not urgent… sometimes mean that you need to have the time to ponder about them.
Sample tasks that fall here are the tasks that could be something big for your business and need plenty of time planning and doing.
“Why does it come second if it is not urgent”
Because if you don’t start doing them now, sooner or later THEY BECOME URGENT. They may be crucial to your business moving forward – but your mind puts them off – because they are time-consuming and often also energy draining.
Most often selling comes here and all the development of new products. It doesn’t have to be done today – but if never done your business will die.
3. Urgent But Not Important
These are the tasks that require urgency looking like they could be preventing you from achieving some of your goals or proceeding to the next step/s.
But since they are not important, ask yourself if they can be rescheduled or outsourced.
Often we also find all the things from OTHER people’s list here – we are asked for things that we don’t have to do – but since someone is asking for it we think we need to answer. But if we reflect we can see they are not important to us at all.
4. Not Urgent and Not Important
Yes, they do exist. Some examples that fall here are those that other people told you that you need to do or tasks you see other people have so you also thought you need to do the same but don’t probably have to do at all.
Avoid these tasks as much as possible as they only serve as a distraction. Reflect and ask if these tasks are really necessary or just a waste of time.
Habit means something we do the same, all the time.
But why is it important in stress management?
During the Savannah, at about 20,000ish years ago, we live in the caves and hunt for food.
We were only equipped with 3 instincts, flight, fight, or freeze in order to fight for survival.
We hunt by the day, we sleep by the night. But there is a certain awake and sleep pattern steered by our internal clocks – the circadian rhythm.
The circadian rhythm, this system wants us to have regularity with sleep and eat and help biology perform best by making things into a routine as the way to go.
Smart, isn’t it? How biology works, us having habits so we don’t drain ourselves the energy when we do things we’re used to doing.
We just do what we do without needing to think so much or exert a lot of energy because once a thing becomes a habit – it seems so easy to be done.
ARE HABITS GOOD?
Habits are generally very good as they help us to an easier life where we do not have to think of every step we take.
An example is a morning routine, imagine the stress if we have to regularly think about every move we’re gonna make after waking up?
“I will get out of bed, then I will go to the bathroom to pee, shower, I will find my towel, I will get dressed, etc., etc.”
Imagine these details if you still have to think of them before you can do them??
So habits make life easy, right?
BUT WHY DOES IT SEEM HARD NOW?
Because unlike before where the only threats were the animals that would eat us…
Our surrounding has greatly evolved. We are not surrounded by wild animals anymore but by work stresses, financial or relationship challenges – things that cannot be solved anymore by habits, things that require thinking.
STILL, HABITS ARE STILL NUMBER 1!
Despite the above-mentioned, I’d say that habits are still the number 1 way to go today.
They make our basic life so so much easier and save us so much energy.
I would even say that many people would benefit from making more habits to go from
In our workplaces it is gold to have habits and communal structures to base all the basic actions on, setting the rules and making clear instructions, then showing them to new people in the organization so they too can get these habits so things will move smoothly.
FROM ROUTINES TO RITUALS
If you do get good routines and you keep doing them and they serve you they will turn into rituals – routines you don’t want to live without – making things flow even better.
BUT EVEN HABITS REQUIRE CHANGE
When the routines and habits don’t serve you any longer they will be a burden. They will start your stress system – knock on your back and say “Hello, I feel unease and all these stress hormones have started to run around in my bloodstream – do something!!!
The problem now is that the master in your head will keep saying – do as you always have done – we need to save energy – just keep on.
Now you need to make an active decision – use your willpower to find new ways to tackle the problem and find a new way that works better for you.
It may be some major changes in your life, or at work?
And maybe you, now when I say it can be tough – you have started to get cold feet – IS THIS REALLY POSSIBLE?
I know your instinct tells you to stay where you are because that’s where you will feel safer.
Don’t worry, it is possible if you know how! To help you get that picture of what you can do, I want to introduce you to a new way of thinking – a model of how you can see these changes work.
Remembering this can work as an anchor to stay on track.
We are wired to want everything to be easy. When we wave the magic wand, everything should fall in place, just like that. Because we long for success and happiness all the time, don’t we?
Well, that is not how it works! But it IS possible to make changes in your habits. It is even easy if you know how to. And this way of thinking works for everything you change – at work or at home.
I see Changes in life as an outer space rocket taking off. At first, the gravity is extremely strong; it takes a lot of fuel to get the rocket taken off from the ground. When it is up and comes to the outer layers of our atmosphere it goes easier and when it is out there, in the free space, it just dances away.
It is the same with Changes in life. They can be extremely hard in the beginning and you need all your willpower to not just give up and do “as usual” but they get easier the longer you stick with them.
AIM FOR A MONTH
Four weeks is said to be the time needed for a new habit to stick. It is also important what you promise to yourself.
NO OVERPROMISING
Most people tend to overpromise to change everything at once, and they think of what other people say they should change. It is just not possible to do it that way.
ONE STEP AT A TIME
You may plan a lot of changes but the only way to succeed is to make one small change at a time. And then the next one, and the next one.
Since each change takes about four weeks that add up to the possibility of a lot of changes in a year.
Also, when you start doing small changes the right way, you will see the magic happen. So many other things will follow with change just because of your new actions.
To make it even easier and fun you can tell people about what you are up to and that will work as accountability too!
LOVING THE LAST MINUTE
If you have a tendency to procrastinate when change is on the table – you are not alone. Most people dread change!
But also remember – it isn’t going to be easier or better or faster if you delay acting for change – it will still take those 4 weeks until you get at ease with your new habits – so procrastination is only chowing the problem ahead of you, so why not just get it done? “Just do it” – as Nike says!
If you’re asking why even habits change…
Just remember one of the most famous lines: “Change is the only constant thing in this world.”
If you do not know where to start or feel hard to do on your own, get yourself a mentor or check HERE to see if you’ll feel like we’re a good fit.
People who feel gratitude are helpful in handling stress are faster to recuperate from disease. They often have better health – like normal blood pressure and good immune response, and they feel happier!
I guess that you too, as a business leader, would love to have all that.
And that means that “Gratitude” is a very good leadership tool too. If feeling gratitude makes you feel well and less stressed – why not take advantage of this fact?
A great idea would be to start a gratitude challenge in your workgroup.
You as the leader, the boss must go first – in the front line. That is where the worriers need to be.
This is double important now in Coronavirus attack time. After many weeks of restrictions your staff has probably been struggling with either:
a) working from home and feeling lonely, not seen and not appreciated; or
b) coming to the workplace with the fear of being infected and trying to hide as much as possible.
Neither of those scenarios makes your staff grow and perform at their best level. I am not saying they do not do a good job but it is not at top-notch.
This “Gratitude Challenge” will BOOST THEIR ENERGY – AND YOURS as a leader.
Challenge them and yourself to do something everyday that leans towards GRATITUDE – and share with each other. It is a win-win in eternity.
Here are a few things you can do:
Send a short Gratitude message to a coworker.
Make a physical “Wall of Gratitude” in the office; or make one online – where everyone can contribute. Set the rules to “just for positive cheering, no complaints here”.
Write DAILY the 3 things you are grateful for, ESPECIALLY during times of hardship.
Write a positive testimonial to a valuable deliverer or business partner.
Send a real postcard to someone you are grateful for. Put a real stamp on it and send it.
Donate to a charity you like. The need in the world is so immense right now, and helping is one of the best ways to increase your own wellbeing.
Ponder about your leadership – is there anything you can do differently that can benefit someone else at the same time?
Send flowers or maybe a lunch to someone in your staff that you know suffers extra right now.
These are a few actions you can take to BOOST your own wellbeing. I am sure you can think of many other good ways too.
Doing good and being kind to others produces feel-good hormones in your brain. That makes you feel better.
On the other hand, the person at the other end of your gift feels seen and appreciated – producing feel-good hormones in their brains too.
If both YOU and your STAFF get FEEL-GOOD HORMONES – YOU WILL TOGETHER PRODUCE BETTER RESULTS for your clients – making them happy and ordering more from you which increases your revenue.
This makes the gratitude way of doing things one of the most effective business and leadership tools we have – and a beautiful way to LESS STRESS too.
Also, making it a challenge for your staff will make their well-being boosted too that can cause RIPPLE EFFECTS all over the place.
What are you waiting for? Just start right now with a big smile and a nice word to the person next to you!
Feels good, doesn’t it?
If you want personal help to get started – send a message here to connect
DO YOU HAVE STRONG ENOUGH REASONS TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, OR YOU’RE JUST STUCK IN ‘DREAMING’?
95% of you have now lost your new year’s resolutions. They were just promises, promises, promises with no substance. Maybe they were not even your own wishes, but someone else’s wishes you thought you needed to live up to.
Or they were just put out there because of the pressure from the crowd around you.
Whatever, we are now into the third month of the year and it is time to re-set your goals for the year if you haven’t done that already.
This time – it is a good thing to put out your own wishes, what YOU truly want.
Where do you want to be a year from now? What do you want your business and job to look like? What kind of leader do you want to be known as? How do you want to feel?
Take a minute and write that down. Make it compelling for YOU, for your best.
A COMPELLING VISION is something that pulls you towards it, you don’t want to be pushed.
A vision that excites you, that makes you eager to go on.
A visiongiving you strong enough reasons to follow through – because there will be struggles on the way.
A visionstrong enough to feel it every day – get it into your brain system that you’ll be aware of it all the time.
Ultimately you also need to – RAISE YOUR STANDARDS – “Who do I want to be?”
Make it a MUST!
When you decide that something is a MUST for you, you will find a way to get there and SUCCEED!
When you make it a must you don’t need the willpower anymore – it just IS THAT WAY.
If you say: ”I am not that kind of person” – that is a belief that holds you back, CONTROLS YOU.
We are all conditioned to be like “WHATEVER” as a child, and as life goes on you stop to try to get away from it. It becomes a “TRUTH” in your mind.
The REAL TRUTH is: You can do different, but you have to change your thinking and WALK ANOTHER PATH.
Your physical body of today is a result of your standards, not of your goals.
That means your body is a result of what you have eaten, how you have exercised and how you have slept – and not of your goals of how you had wanted it to be. For a different result you need a different action.
Routines are actions you do consistently. They turn into RITUALS when you don’t want to live without them.
People who get their dreams haveexpanded their standards.
HERE IS A STEP BY STEP HELP for you to start your desired life:
Step #1 – Select an area of life you would like to improve – describe your current situation – be specific
Step #2 – Write down:
The rituals that have shaped your current condition in that area – be honest
What you want – your compelling vision – go back to what you answered on the questions earlier in this text – be specific again
The rituals that will get you your compelling vision. What would you need to do differently each day to get what you want?
START TODAY!
Start with 1 or 2 new things from your list in step #4 and see what happens. Change one habit and other changes will automatically follow.
When you see the change, you will be proud of yourself.
You will have your best year ever!
Changes can be hard to do on your own. If you need a helping hand justsend a message hereand I´ll get back to you.
Halfway into the first month of the year and with the celebrations past us, we are back to the reality of life – and most of our New Year Resolutions are – well, forgotten.
In most cases, that is a fact.
We generally feel elated with the idea of new year. We see new possibilities, set new goals, take on new opportunities, and even make all kinds of promises to ourselves – but then the moment we realize that we’re back into our daily lives, we lose track of everything; and since that is the life that we know, we find it easier to stay rather than move forward.
And just like that, our so-called promises, our #NewYearsResolution – disappears in thin air.
The question is, does it always have to be like that? Or perhaps, is there anything that we can do to stop the cycle from happening?
Of course there is one. Actually, there’s a lot; but this one is my favorite:
“RAISE YOUR STANDARDS – so you can turn your ‘SHOULDS’ into ‘MUSTS’.”
Now why, that out of all the possible things we can do, I chose this one? My answer would be simple – it’s because I believe that once you get to do this, the rest will follow.
Your standard is something that you set – something that you have the ability to control. You decide which level you want to be on.
So when I said ‘Raise your standards’, I meant that if you are stressed out, overweight, or you are a smoker, but didn’t want to be any of those – you don’t get to find excuses not to change. Because if you do, then that is the standard you set for yourself.
But where ‘MUST’ you start? Here are some steps that can help you:
Define what you want to achieve;
Identify how far you are from your goal;
List the specific steps you plan to take in achieving your goal;
Implement; and
Celebrate when you succeed – celebrate with everyone around you.
AND above all, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.
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