Aging – it’s normal that as time passes by, we age… We all do, but we don’t all age the same.
Believe it or not, we become 25 years older than our grandparents – at a mean.
How would you use those years?
AGEISM AT ITS FINEST
We get older from the day we are born, but it is not until we become around 50 that we in our culture use the term “elderly” – and string to get older with declining health… ain’t that a little ageist, packaging aging and declining health together, yeah?
Truth is…
There are 20-year-olds who show signs of declining health with diabetes, floppy muscles, and loss of balance, and “elderly” who end up being more athletic, and sporty, and you’d be surprised – could even beat you in a marathon because of their stronger cardiovascular health.
AGE IS NOTHING, BUT NUMBERS
You can be younger as a 60-year-old than you were at 30 because you have changed your lifestyle – and attitude.
Do you believe that after 50, it’s only downhill? Your looks, your energy, and speed, your memory, everything. Watch out, as this can be a fulfilling Prophetic if you start everything saying – at my age…. or I am too old for that… (listen to yourself, you’re becoming an ageist too at this stage).
But hey, we become what we think…
Our brain looks for what we think – so choose wisely.
A STORY TO SHARE/WORTH SHARING
I read a story about a 90-year-old lady who kept performing to people at homes for the elderly. She calls the listeners “The old ones” despite her being “older” than most.
Why not, if she sees herself as young at heart, and guess what? She’s had broken hips and bones, been through a lot – but still always coming back. She’s 90 and does that. So how’s age a hindrance, right?
10 Most Important Tips to Live Longer
A few years ago I found this article about a study of 100 100-year-old people in Sweden (yep, 100 people, aged 100).
They did deep interviews… “What has been the most important for you?”
And now I will share with you the top 10 most answered from the interview.
1. Stop Smoking
Researchers at ‘Action on Smoking and Health have reported that a 30-year-old smoker can expect to live about 35 more years, whereas a 30-year-old non-smoker can expect to live 53 more years. (source: medical news today)
2. Keep An Eye on Your Weight
The study, published in the Lancet Diabetes and Endocrinology, showed that life expectancy for obese men and women was 4.2 and 3.5 years shorter respectively than for people in the entire healthy BMI weight range. (source: BBC news)
3. Care for Your Social Network
People with strong social connections may live longer and healthier lives, according to numerous studies. (source: harvard.edu)
4. Care for Your Close Relations
One meta-analysis found that people with healthy and supportive relationships live longer and that these effects are surprisingly strong. (source: berkeley.edu)
5. Take Time to Laugh
Laugh Lots, Live Longer. A vast new study finds that a sense of humor lowers mortality rates, especially for women. (source: scientificamerican.com)
6. Take Sleep Seriously
British researchers discovered less than five hours of sleep also doubled the risk of death from cardiovascular disease – which is the number one cause of death in America according to the CDC. (source: somnomed.com)
7. Booze – In Moderation.
Adults drinking seven to 14 drinks per week could expect, on average, a six-month shorter life expectancy as of age 40. (source: harvard.edu)
8. Eat Healthily
Researchers found that eating an optimal diet from age 20 would increase life expectancy by more than a decade for women and men. (source: theconversation.com)
9. Move Your Body
The more you move, the better. A new study led by NIH’s Dr. Steven Moore looked at data on more than 650,000 adults, mostly aged 40 and older. The researchers found that leisure-time physical activity was linked to a longer life expectancy, regardless of how much people weighed. (source: newsinhealth.com)
10. Be and Stay Positive
Plenty of research suggests optimistic people have a reduced risk of heart disease, stroke, and lung capacity and function declines. Optimism is also associated with a lower risk of early death from cancer and infection. And now a new study links optimism to living a longer life. (source: harvard.edu)
PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE
Another study was done by neuropsychology, Dr. Mario E. Martinez about how 100-year-olds live their lives. He has been interested in the connection between body and mind and how to grow old in a healthy way, so he interviewed 700 healthy 100-year-olds and found some similarities
1. They are future-oriented.
They live in the now and plan for the future, they are not stuck in old stories and mishaps or arguments or hardships that they have endured. They are happy with “what is now”.
2. They still enjoy hanging out with the young.
“Vibe with the young, feel young” is the peg of some. It helps because they learn from them too, and they get the same energy from younger people.
3. They enjoy the ride.
Cigar, drinks, cake? They are “to make it fun” but never “to make it a regular thing”.
GET HELP IF YOU NEED
If it feels hard to decide what you want to do on your own – get a mentor. Reach out if you need help. It is always important and there will always be things that you can support.
Check HERE to see if you feel like we’re a good fit.
Changes are normal. In fact, it’s until now believed that change is the only thing permanent in this world.
Sounds cliche, but at least it is true. Right?
I WAS FORCED TO DO BIG CHANGES
I want to talk about two events in my life that have forced me to make big changes.
How can some events force someone to make big changes? Well, for one, I know that the situation is one that I couldn’t take in the long run.
1. BIG CHANGES IN MY SCHEDULE
I was given an opportunity to host my own show on Stress Management and of course, I took it (because why not?! It’s a great one!) and I used to have this show every Thursday at 4 pm CET.
I kind of rearranged everything around me automatically because I so much wanted to do it, and I still very much want to do it – but it started interfering with different things in my life.
I then realized that 4 pm on a Thursday afternoon is actually a time when other things just keep on popping up (my 5-year-old granddaughter who we babysit, some work needed to be done at the healthcare clinic which makes me stay at a hotel nearby, and yada yada yada…)
So yes, there were a lot of things I haaaaave to figure out every time instead of me just focusing on thinking about the topics I’ll talk about and giving value. You get it.
And yeah now I bet you know where this is going…
A BIG CHANGE IN MY SCHEDULE.
So from Thursdays at 4 pm CET, I now do my shows on Mondays 8 pm CET. A big change but hey, I can now see my full week ahead and there are no more interfering schedules. What a way to relieve stress long-term, right? 😉 A change for the better, as you see.
2. CAREER CHANGES…
I know, it already sounds scary as it is – but we’ll be surprised with the number of factors one can be forced to take this very big and bold move (yes, it is bold because you’re brave enough to face uncertainties, and start over).
To tell you my story, 10 years ago – I was working as a Doctor at a healthcare clinic full-time, and I have three beautiful kids who were still living at home with me and had all kinds of activities they needed to attend (sports, music, etc.), and of course, as their parents – we have to take them despite the fact that we’re both working full-time.
(Shout out to all the moms out there, I know you know where this is going)…
Staying longer in the above schedule, I know my body couldn’t take it anymore as I am always feeling stressed, tired, and overwhelmed…
SO I TOOK A COURSE IN STRESS MANAGEMENT.
Yes, I didn’t know what to do so I looked for help! And it was a really intensive course tbh – 2 days packed with info, knowledge, testing, and all the lessons we exactly needed being the overworked people in the middle of our careers.
It got my interest so much that I dug deeper and even got to a longer course (3 months), and there I learned the ins and outs of stress management – which one day got me into thinking – “I am a Doctor, and most of my patients come in due to stress-related illnesses – so why don’t I prevent them from coming in my clinic instead?” – and yeah, you may now insert the famous saying “Prevention is better than cure”, again, cliche but true.
And thus…
The birth of my business – askdrannika.com. Now I am a businesswoman, I handle my own time, I was able to see my children grow, and now able to watch my granddaughter grow. 🙂
So yes, again, a change for the better – isn’t it? 😉
MY BIGGEST TIPS ON COPING WITH CHANGES
I know changes could be hard. When we’re used to something, we feel like we’re inside the “safe zone”, and I admit, it’s scary to get out of our own comfort zones. But the stories I shared proved that there are good things in the end waiting, we just have to take that first step.
Having dealt with a lot of big changes, and as a Stress Management Strategist and Mentor, I suggest you try the following:
1. LOOK BIGGER
One of the most common mistakes we commit when a change is necessary, is we react before we even think. We look at it with the “Uh, it will mess up my routine and it’s gonna be hard” thing, instead of “Exciting, where will this change take me?”
Always remember to look at the bigger picture.
2. SIT AND WRITE YOUR NEW ROUTINE
I cannot stress enough how important planning ahead and writing your routine is. We get messed up and it’s okay, we get disorganized and it’s okay. It’s not easy to move like a robot without following some structure, right?
It’s always easier with a checklist – you just gotta look at your list, tick the box of what’s done and proceed to the next, then tick the box again.
Changes can be complicated, but there are ways we can do to make the complicated easier. There’s a big change? Great. Sit down and revise your routine.
3. REFLECT AND ACT
Analyze before you react, and action is better than just a reaction! Take a look at where you are today vs. where you want to be someday. What is lacking? What’s in the middle?
Reflecting is always important before you plan any action you’re going to take. If you already know where you want to be someday and the things to do to get there, the fear of making changes is lessened because we know where we’re headed.
Got lost along the way? Sit back, reflect again, and decide whether to make a U-turn or go straight ahead. The road can be bumpy, but at least, soon you know you’re getting there. 🙂
4. EMBRACE THE UNCERTAINTIES
With changes, come uncertainties – but if we do not learn how to embrace them, we might never move forward.
Remember when I said how scary it is to get out of our comfort zones? It’s because we do not know what may or may not come, but hey…
Outside our comfort zones is where we grow – as we pull something out of our pockets we never know have been there ever since, or out of the box as we get creative. 🙂
5. REMEMBER THAT MISTAKES ARE NORMAL
Last but not the least, always always remember how mistakes are normal. You stay where you are because you’re afraid to do something wrong – but committing mistakes is always an important part of everybody’s journey, it’s inevitable. Those successful people you look up to? Oh boy, they’ve made not one, but many. 🙂
Behind all the mistakes never committed are the lessons never learned. 😉
GET HELP IF YOU NEED
If it feels hard to decide what you want to do on your own – get a mentor. Reach out if you need help. It is always important and there will always be things that you can support.
Check HERE to see if you feel like we’re a good fit.
I know nobody likes it, but sometimes, we just can’t stop thinking that everything is about us – or at least – that we’re always involved in just about anything in everything. Hence, our tendency to take things personally.
But hey, let’s get things straight… We all live on this planet where we’re responsible separately for our own lives, so… do we honestly think that someone would go out of their way just to do something that will set us off?
Well, would you?
DIGGING DEEPER
What I mentioned above, is exactly what I want to dig deep into today.
Like if you think the answer to either of the above is a yes, there are probably many explanations to that. One can be – we’re set to be suspicious of our surroundings so we’re set to always be defensive – considering that our ancestors were always worried if animals are about to eat them, and that’s every human’s standard setting.
OUR STANDARD SETTING – HOW WE’RE MADE
We’re generally made to be prepared to fight or flight. Remember that before anything else in this world, there were only humans and animals, and the only goal is to survive.
Given that, it only means that our instinct is to be set on the negative – so if we hear something that CAN be interpreted negatively, we either see it as a threat or something destructive automatically.
WHAT IT REALLY IS
Now that it’s clear how our instinct is set to be negative, it is sometimes mostly just in vain because most people are more occupied – with what others think of them – and not with how or what they think about you.
So no matter who we are, we will react that way at some point in our lives, regardless of who or where we hear it from – it never feels good. The only difference is, for some it happens often and for others, it doesn’t.
STEPS TO TAKE TO not take things personally
Taking things personally affects us negatively and induces stress in our lives – most of the time for no real reason.
Imagine if you could find ways around this, satisfying – right?
That’s why I have compiled a list of things to do to lessen the chances of taking everything personally.
Below is a mix of a few things I have gathered and personally done successfully.
1. Take a look at WHY you keep taking things personally.
Questions that you can ask yourself to help are:
Are you a highly sensitive person, someone who reacts with more feelings than the average person on earth?
How was your day? Did something happen or are you having a bad one?
Do you carry sorrows from the past that popped up again?
Do you feel the criticism is valid and you somehow feel bad?
Ponder a moment about these reasons – anything that comes to your mind. Putting them into this light might help you not to take it so personally next time.
Remember, awareness and acknowledgment are the first steps towards change – to know what we need to change.
But if it can’t be changed, it is time to practice acceptance. Acceptance of what cannot be changed is a great way to feel less stressed.
2. Another thing you can do is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and assess from their POV.
People say things a bit harsh or itchy when they themselves are not feeling all well, and at times like this most words come out without having thought about it.
I am sure you too have been in those situations at times, having one of those days but you know yourself what you realize afterward, so, it don’t hurt give them the benefit of the doubt.
So next time you feel hurt – think about their current situation and it might be clear it is not about you – instead about them.
3. Talking about being in other people’s shoes – maybe it is time to get into your own.
Take a look at what triggers you.
What are your sensitive areas in life? We usually know at heart but it is hard to say out loud. Think about why – maybe you just aren’t ready with that subject in your mind yet and don’t want others to influence you in your opinion or decisions.
Try to learn and grow. Who are you and what do you stand for? Ponder…..
4. Accept that sometimes the things you take personally are real criticism, and everyone can have differing opinions.
I know that this can be harder to take in and shrug off.
But maybe it’s a good time to reflect. See it from your point of view AND try to see it from the other person’s point of view. Maybe it’s just a clash of beliefs and ideas but nothing other than a healthy discussion?
It is not the end of the world if you don’t see eye to eye or you or someone does something wrong – as long as we all learn from it.
Remember the quote from Aristotle “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing”.
5. If you do get criticism for something you feel was unfair – then you can ask for clarification.
So many times when people share their thoughts, differing opinions come out and debate happens – but oftentimes it’s majorly because of the lack of listening and understanding.
So instead of dwelling in your own misery and feeling pity for yourself – start a conversation. Explain to each other in the best possible way trying to avoid the usage of words that can sound offensive, you know how with an open heart and mind plus a gentle mouth, everything can be communicated?
6. Take Deep Breaths, and keep on breathing until you feel a bit at ease.
Not everyone knows, but taking deep breaths is a very powerful tool to feel calm. Feeling angry, feeling bad? Take deep breaths! Try and see how powerful it is.
Also, the best thing is to always practice this breathing tool every day – then it will pop up for you automatically when you feel stress creeping up on you.
Taking these breaths will make you grounded in the now and, that will help you see things more clearly – and maybe you then don’t need to take it personally even if it triggers you.
So practice, practice, practice – makes it perfect – or at least better.
7. Sometimes the right thing to do is to open up.
Who knows? Telling them about it might actually help so that they know how to carefully pick their words next time. And it’s a plus if they’re mature enough to see it as something not offensive (being called out) and normal.
When doing this it is good to use the method where you talk in the “I feel, I felt…” form. Saying what you felt – and not solely focusing on what they did wrong.
That way, you can keep it on a level where it doesn’t end up as a heated conversation and just keep it as it is, an open conversation.
8. Try to remember to focus on the positive. Always!
Feelings are contagious – positive and negative. Let’s focus on the positive. If you learn to tend to move towards the positive even when things go wrong or you feel hurt by someone’s doings, you will experience so many fewer moments that hurt.
The positive feeling will help you to stay calm in your mind and maybe get a moment to think and realize that the hurt is not worth it, and you can move on without going into that rabbit hole.
9. If you often feel offended by some people then maybe it is time to look at who is in your surroundings.
Like I said earlier emotions are contagious so being with people who send out the wrong emotions for you, will rub it off on you and will maybe make you feel that they are against you.
If you are spending a lot of time with a highly stressed person, you will soon also increase your level of stress. The same goes for if you spend time with happy people it is easier for you to feel happiness.
So maybe it is time for you to take a deeper look into your network AND to distance yourself from the negative ones, the ones making you feel bad (okay – don’t take this personally – not everyone is made for each other).
Sometimes it is hard to distance yourself from people because you are dependent on them or they are family.
Then you need to work with acceptance AND combine it with not getting in touch more often than necessary.
10. Last but not least – NEVER let all these feelings turn negatively towards yourself.
Remember – you live your life and everybody else lives their lives. We do need others around to feel good and secure. Best if we can find like-minded people.
Still, if you love yourself, feeling good about who you are and what you are doing will much more likely make you feel not so easily offended by others’ thoughts and you will not keep taking things personally – because you know that is not YOU.
I want to start introducing work-life balance to y’all with two known quotes:
“You will never feel truly satisfied by work until you are satisfied by life”.
and…
“Be balanced in the work so it doesn’t lead to burnout”.
Do you see the difference?
Which one feels more right?
Let’s figure it out by looking at both angles.
MY FIRST TAKE ON IT
If you have a stressful job and work long hours, it can be hard to switch off and enjoy your free time.
That is because it is always hard to switch from one thing to another as our brain needs some time to reorganize, and yet we too often plan with too short minutes between activities – making us non-concentrated at the end of the first activity because our brain is automatically starting to focus on what will come next.
This makes it hard to switch from hard work to relaxation in a second. You need some winding down time – where your only task is to halt and breathe and do nothing.
As I have stated so many times before – relaxation is key to staying healthy and happy. Our bodies and minds need time to rest, and we need time to enjoy our lives.
That means we can’t be in work mode all the time!
Let’s take a look at some basic ways to do this transition from work to free or family time.
1. Close your office door
When you close your office door, close your working mind too.
As I just stated, every change of activity takes some transition time from one task to the other. You can’t just spend time with family or friends but also think about work – be mentally present too!
This means you need to keep work out of your free time – by planning if possible, and setting healthy boundaries too.
Do you have an upcoming event or gathering to attend? Make sure to not let work stuff come your way that day!
Decided to dedicate a day to your family? Sign out of your work email or turn your work notifications off, and let them know you’ll be out of reach! You have to set those rules ahead of time and let your colleagues know about them – AND STICK TO THEM.
2. If you work at home…
If you work from home, the separation between work and free time can be more complicated and hard, not impossible.
What helps is having an “office room” at home, a room really dedicated only for doing work stuff and once you’re out that door, then it also means your work is done for the day.
Yes, don’t bring that laptop to your dining table. Enjoy your hearty meal and still follow a routine – break times are a must!
3. Have a QUIET TIME
You know a quiet time, where you just rest your mind from everything and just use that time to plan your day or reflect on things?
You might not know, but that is your TRANSITION PERIOD.
It helps you focus better if you have that quiet time to think than just quickly transitioning without thinking, right? Because taking a few minutes off just doing nothing or even doing something you enjoy quietly, gives you a little “reset” so it’s easier to refocus and restart even if it’s already in the middle of the day.
4. Move your body
Some of you might rather do physical activities than just do nothing – and it’s okay!
Taking a power walk to wind down the brain can be very beneficial. It helps you sort your thoughts – and it also helps your mind to relax and doing this with your kids can be a real winner.
This will also be very good for your health – the moving of your body with all those advantages that come health-wise.
Research also shows that exercise can reduce stress, promote a better mood, improve your overall mental health, and increase a sense of calm. Think stress management on a high level, right?
This is because during exercise levels of stress hormones, known as adrenaline and cortisol, are reduced. At the same time, the levels of endorphins in your body are increased. Endorphins are the body’s “feel good” hormones, they elevate our mood and even reduce pain!
5. Be cautious of your food intake.
After a long and tiring day at work, it is easy to just eat something quick and easy to get.
Still, it will benefit you so much more if you get something nutritious – something that will bring new good energy.
Eating quick junk foods when you’re tired doesn’t help in the long run, instead of getting you energy, they can do otherwise.
If you find it hard to do this at that moment – maybe a new routine with planning one or more days ahead is to prepare meals in advance so there is a prepared meal to just grab.
And don’t forget to drink enough water.
6. Do not forget your SLEEP.
I add it here since I see it is connected with exercise and eating – to get that good energy you need to take care of yourself – and your dear ones.
Many people, especially stressed-out business leaders brag about how little they sleep.
It is the same people who brag about an overfilled to-do list as if that is a good thing.
To me, sleep is utterly important – enough sleep. We need 7-9 hours per night. This is the time when our brain does it´s house cleaning, so to speak. It gets rid of waste products and lets new blood come in. The brain also has this intricate system of the circadian rhythm where it regulates so many of the biological processes in our body.
7. Spend time with people you love.
Our biology wants us to connect with others, with like-minded, to thrive. We are herd animals and want and need to belong.
It doesn’t mean we need a big group of people, just a few that really care about us will do. Some people have tons of connections but are really lonely at heart and that is a very stressful situation, not a balanced life even if they look successful and happy.
And when you are with your friends and loved ones – be with them. Don’t share your time with your phone or other media – be present – that is where the happiness lies.
Lots of what I have talked about already can be seen as mindfulness.
This is part of my overall stress management.
EVERYTHING ELSE
As with everything else in life it is about making good habits – and when they have become real habits we do it without thinking and our automatic actions will be good for us.
In the end, this is all about finding a good balance between work and private life. It can be challenging so take a moment and look into your own situation.
Are you still at work in your mind when you get home?
Do you feel you get enough time for yourself?
I don’t mean for us all to be ego-fixated – I mean for us all to take care of ourselves, of ourselves first, get energy and focus – and then we can do wonders in caring for others
We need to find the balance in ourselves before we can give it to others
All things I have talked about so far have been about having a balance between work and private life – and how to transition between those two in a favorable way.
The other way to interpret workplace balance is to have balance in your workday.
I´d say this is just as important.
This is stress management at its core – to help make a perfect day every day
So how do you get a balanced day?
By taking breaks – at regular intervals – stretch, breathe, mini meditate – set an alarm to remind you – at least in the beginning until it has become a habit.
Of course, you also have to take a look at your routines – are you doing work that others can do? Have you ever heard the word delegate? Having someone else do some tasks you need not be involved in…
It is also about making rules – rules for emails, rules for knocking on the door, you can create symbols you can use on your desk/door showing you are not to be disturbed – everyone in the office can use the same.
Trip to the USA! Sounds thrilling, exciting, and everything! Right?
But who would have expected, that this trip would cause my heart rate to increase due to a very stressful moment?
THE SCENARIO
In mid-June, I traveled to the USA for the first time in 3 years. I was going to New York City for a very special project that was supposed to be finished more than a year ago.
It was my first time traveling since the Coronavirus so effectively shut the world down (it’s actually my 3rd try to get there, all being postponed or canceled due to increasing Covid cases).
And even if I am not scared for my health of getting the infection I absolutely did not want to get it over there with all the inconveniences and the extra costs that would add to my life.
So now was the time in mid-June. Virus levels in society were very low and all restrictions were gone. Yippie!
THE FIRST THREAT
The first stressful threat came a few days before departure:
On the news: “There is chaos on Arlanda in Stockholm because of lack of security personnel. Waiting time was days in line and car traffic chaos, they redirected the traffic to other terminals and more. And the problem was spread at least in Europe”.
Solution: Well I was traveling from Copenhagen airport. Did they have the same problem? What can I do about it?
I searched the internet for info and did not find much. I sat calmly in the “boat” as we say (even if I was about to fly) and on the day I went there 4 hours early. It took me 1 hour to get through security, and that gave me 3 hours for a nice cup of coffee, some time for work, and some time for rest, just watching people.
WHAT HAPPENED ON THE FLIGHT TO USA
On the flight, not much exciting happened, I watched 2 movies, rested, and ate.
What struck me was that the plane was full to the last seat, no one wore a mask and it was like the Coronavirus never existed.
On-site, at Newark airport, it was easy to find the bus taking us into NYC. A nice thing happened when I was to pay.
The driver said:
“That is $11 for you as a senior citizen”
I later found out that the regular price was $20 AND all the taxi services took around $100 for the same ride. WOW, was I happy I had looked a little deeper into the possibilities?
The bus station was just 1 block away from my hotel.
It is extremely expensive with hotels in NYC. I had picked one of the cheap ones and a very tiny room – yes with a bathroom of my own, I am too old to share (lol).
THE SECOND STRESSFUL MOMENT
I had booked 5 nights, and I was to pay there. I gave my business credit card and the lady said she would not take it. I knew there was money but their system did not accept it.
I had 2 private cards too and we tried those – not accepted as well – and there was probably not enough room left on the credit card for that amount.
I asked for info to do a transfer, “No we don’t do that” – they said.
I asked for an invoice, “No we don’t do that” – she said.
She then asked for cash – I had enough for one night.
I paid, all sweaty and shaking, for ONE NIGHT.
My thoughts were spinning around – what if I don’t find a way around this situation – where will I stay the following four nights???
I went up to the room on the 22nd floor, shakingly got my computer up on the small table, and found the technical cords and devices needed to get the computer working. I then logged into my bank account (thank you universe for the system we have to identify us via the phone).
Got in and looked at the info around my cards – and yes – the card was ticked for “not being used in the States” and I could untick it and save (hopefully that would make things work).
I hurried down to the lobby again and asked the girl to check if it would now work – and YES,
What a relief! I paid for 5 nights – would get a receipt when I left.
Lesson learned…
Check your settings around money BEFORE you leave.
MY NEXT DAYS
The next day I spent a few hours in company with a friend Frank Iovine from the ElevateElite speaker group that we both belong to. It is such a treat to be able to meet people that you only know from a zoom window, to meet in real life (thanks for the lunch Frank! Lol).
On the third day, which is also my 3rd stressful moment – after 2 nights of being there – the cleaning lady came after lunchtime – and all she asked was if I was leaving today, I said no, I have 3 more nights, and she left without emptying the waste baskets or anything.
Soon thereafter she knocked on the door, another knock came in – a lady, looking like a manager, stood outside and asked if I was leaving. I said, “No, I have 3 more nights and I have paid for it”.
She said that in her papers, it says I was leaving after 2 nights.
She repeated that several times and I asked her to check the system since I had paid for 5 nights.
This was very stressful and it took me some time to get back into the work I was doing.
About 2 hours later, the hotel phone rang. I answered and this man asked when I was leaving – and again I said, “On Sunday, 3 more nights”.
Then he started babbling about how they said I was to leave today and it was getting late.
By then, my stress system was fully in action!
I said “I am staying 3 more nights and I have paid for it” and I also said that they apparently have a structure problem in their system because this lady has already been here and she was going to set things right. Finally, we hung up.
Soon thereafter I was going to buy some food and when I passed the lobby I asked who I had talked to and I asked if he had seen I was right.
He kept babbling about it, saying in his system that I had been very rude to him.
No “excuse us – we were wrong”.
I was close to tears, shaking – and the other person sitting there grinned at me in a weird way as if she was amused that I was crushed. Still, another man working there sitting a bit away looked at me with sympathy but he did not say anything.
I went out, got my food, and felt better after eating.
Later in the evening that nicer man was up at the desk, so I went to him and said: “I am sorry for being emotional but I am a bit stressed right now”.
He said it was a human error from their side – everything was in order. And he thanked me for coming up to talk.
Lesson learned…
It is never wrong to be the first one to say sorry – even though I still think they have structural problems AND some staff issues behaving like this with an unhappy guest (but it is out of my system).
MY BIG DAY
The next day was my big day, the main goal for this trip – filming in my speaker mentor Tricia Brouk´s movie Big Stages.
I was told to be at the address way out in Brooklyn at 9:15 am. The trip was supposed to take about an hour from door to door. I had carefully looked for subway numbers and such the day before.
Okay… so I got my coffee at 7 when the shop opened. Had a quick bagel breakfast and off I went – found the subway station – got my ticket – and started to walk towards the line I was taking. Walked for about 10 minutes underground – this way, that way, this way and finally got on the train.
The thing is when I got off the train at the right station…
I had a not-so-detailed map and started walking – and asked for clear directions 3 times but almost all were unclear and vague answers.
So more walking and walking, and yeah while it is hot and time is passing.
Finally, I saw 2 ladies to ask. And who would have known…. They pointed in the totally opposite direction from where I was heading!
Yes, my stress system again started working – I still have 30 minutes and I follow their instructions, see the landmarks they talk about, and walk, but still can’t find out from my map and I see this guy and he thinks I am just about right but he is not from there.
Finally (this time real final, lol), a guy on a bike stops and asks if we need help.
He knows directly where it is – one street to the right and has to go back 3 blocks.
I got there just in time – exhausted, all red in my face and hair dripping with sweat.
Fortunately, there was a hair dryer there and they had a makeup girl helping me look normal again. The sad part is that I did not take a photo, that would have been so beautiful.
It was also so nice to meet Tricia face to face as we’ve been working already for a couple of years.
THE FILMING – THE MAIN PROJECT
After a while, I was back on track with my stress levels on a lower level – but we were going to film and I did not know what was going to happen.
We decided on two scenes – one where she asks me about my Why and then a scene with her coaching me.
It was great fun – lots of waiting time – but great fun – and in the afternoon I got back to the hotel – via an Uber with Tricia. Totally exhausting that I just binge-watched TV the rest of the day.
Also, the film will come out early next year but the thought is that finally, we’ve done it, yay!
THE DAY AFTER FILMING
The next day, I had nothing planned.
I had thought of doing some sightseeing but I was just too tired and I wanted to be kind to myself so I just walked nearby and rested.
Then came the day to travel back home. Got to the airport in good time, no queue in the safety check – HAVE NEVER seen that before – NO people in line – just pass through – A REAAALLY nice flight back home during the night so only one movie and then sleep.
SUMMARY
This was my first trip in almost 3 years. Some really stressful moments, lots of good moments, and great meetings with great people.
I learned my own lessons, and hopefully, you learn from me too.
MY TIPS FOR YOU:
Check the circumstances on the travel service both in the time for traveling – but also the possibilities/choices you have (remember my bus fare).
Be in a good time – better too early – plan for what to do while waiting instead of getting angry waiting.
Check your pay system BEFORE you go – is my card valid – do I have enough cash in case the card doesn’t work, etc.
Calculate more time when going someplace unknown to you – or be prepared to take a taxi, lol.
Enjoy your trip – all my hurdles were worldly, and no one got hurt – except my soul when they kept telling me I was to leave according to their papers (but it all worked out and I gave my apologies first – which made me grow).
Take a deep breath when you feel the stress coming – get back into the now because that is where you can think, where you can see the challenge clearly.
Vacation – the time when we’re supposed to de-stress. But why, for some reason, it sometimes causes even more stress?
PLANNING ON YOUR VACATION
Ugh, just hearing the word itself – “planning”, already triggers stress to some, especially if they’re the ones responsible to do it.
“What are the things to do?”
“When do we go somewhere and when do we just stay home?”
“What’s our itinerary to make the most out of it?”
“Do our schedules match?” “If we’re going somewhere, what are on the list of things to bring?”
And so on, and so on….
Bet you can relate to the above scenarios. 🙂
THINGS TO DO TO LESSEN STRESS ON VACATION
Regardless of what type of vacation it is – whether it’s the vacation where you just stay home or the vacation where you go out of town – there are always stressors around.
Being one to experience vacation stressors myself (friends coming unannounced when you had other plans, traveling with 3 kids, you name it), I have compiled this list that can help with lessening the stressors or at least doing something so that they do not cause THAT much stress.
1. Remember that it’s okay to ask.
Being the one responsible for planning, we sometimes forget to ask the people who we’re staying with during the vacation period or sometimes just don’t bother asking at all because we take the responsibility too seriously.
But hey, not asking when it’s just right to do so may even lead to more complications. If you can set the expectations straight, or know their expectations so you can work around them earlier than the time of the vacation itself – why not do that, right? It saves you from any unforeseen troubles come the time of the vacation when expectations are not met and disappointments come.
So, go and straighten it all out beforehand. 🙂
2. Designate.
To be clear, you’re responsible for planning but that doesn’t mean that you’re also responsible for the things to bring. It’s important for those two different things as I’ve seen some who go an extra mile and bring everything because that’s “part of their plan”.
Why plan to bring “this and that” if you can plan to assign “A” to bring “this” and “B” to bring “that”, right?
Tip: When it comes to food, do not forget to ask about allergies, or what some eat or don’t eat.
3. Set healthy boundaries.
Maybe some relatives or close friends know that you’re soon into your vacation period, and you know them to be very outgoing that the moment they know you actually do have free time they come over unannounced, and while that’s nice because you know how bad they want to see you, it can still be stressful especially if we aren’t prepared for it (maybe you’re exhausted, you had other plans, or you just simply don’t wanna hang out).
Whatever reason you have, know that it’s valid. But we also know how rude we can come off if we tell them to go especially if they have traveled far – so it’s really important that we act first.
If we know that they know about our upcoming vacation and we do not plan to have a meetup or gathering yet, we can politely tell them “Hey I know you’ll probably come over the moment my vacation starts (and I’d love that), but I have other plans and we might end up not seeing each other so I’ll let you know when is a good time”. – And this, a simple notice like this saves us from future unexpected stress.
4. It’s okay not to give in to expectations.
We all know that vacation is also the time when people expect you to get out of your house, have a party, or just hang out and drink with them. But if this is not you (like you don’t party because you find it tiring, or you don’t like the taste of alcohol), then you do not have to give in to their expectations. 🙂
You can never be happy living a life full of other people’s expectations of who you should be or what you should do in this certain period of time – so remember to keep your will strong and spend the time how you want to (like, you can hang out and drink juice while they’re drinking alcohol, or not come at all if it’s not your game).
5. Mindfulness is all it takes.
To sum it all up, what it takes is you being mindful…
Be mindful when planning, be mindful of what seems okay to you and what is not, and be mindful of what you think you want to do during your vacation period.
Whether vacation for you is lounging on the couch or at the beach, it’s your vacation so YOU decide on what to do and what to grab. 🙂
So, what is it gonna be? PJs or swimwear?! Let me know in the comments!
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