Our stress hormones don’t spike up quickly and suddenly, it has signs before spiking up!
And yes, it’s already your stress hormones above the normal level – but you aren’t aware of it.
You don’t realize it happening at all and that is okay because you are not alone, there are many of you…
But that’s why exactly I have this blog, to educate and help you all figure it out.
When your perceived demands from the outside are in contrast with what your inner power can handle, your body and mind react and that reaction is the stress you’re feeling. But this shows up in many different ways that can be sometimes hard to even recognize.
To help with that, I’ve compiled the 5 Big Stress Signs to Look Out For.
1. DRINKING MORE
All of a sudden, drinking has become your habit.
You almost never used a drink in a workweek before, but now it has become your cup of tea to wrap up your day to relax in the evening.
Why and how is this a sign? Alcohol is a super and natural tranquilizer, so if you feel heavy or have had a heavy day, it’s natural for you to look for this to ease your feelings.
Now that most are working from home and drinking becomes easier, some even started drinking while working.
If you start looking forward to alcohol just to end your day, it’s a sign that you have a high amount of stress in your days. Do not ever become alcohol dependent and if you do, get help. It’s all normal.
2. ANGER
You get irritated and angry on simple things, and when you start to think why you’re reacting that way, you can’t even pinpoint a reason, because the reason is already stressful.
When you are stressed out, you have a hard time structuring your thoughts and the lack of control feeds anger. You retire back into your ancient brain using all the automation it has for your behavior.
You are very lucky if someone close to you notices this and calls you out for it in a nice way because this will be hard to reflect on and notice by yourself.
If you get called out, do not get mad but instead reflect and if you see someone acting the same way, do them the same favor because they won’t automatically see it themselves.
3. Headaches.
You never used to have frequent headaches but now it happens so often. You take pain relievers that work for a few hours and then the headache is back but you’re not at all sick.
This kind of headache is called tension pain because the muscles on the scalp are constantly in tension when you are stressed out.
Before you start googling and panicking about what you see, try first the best treatment for tension headache – RELAXATION.
Relax, take a breather, do something you love and if relaxing doesn’t help, go get tested for other possible causes but still – no panicking as it adds to your current stress and thus gives you more headache.
4. You start to be forgetful.
You forget where you put things. You forget your keys, telephone, purse, notes, and more. And you forget names, words, people, places.
When we are stressed out, our brain gets overloaded and the electric impulses lose their way. The whole system shuts down if not given a break. It simply says – “I am out of order, I need to rest!” And that is why we forget.
Surprisingly, many people first fear they are getting dementia, even the fairly young ones. If you are 65+ that is a valid thought. But if you are a busy business leader, stress is the first thing to consider.
The good thing is that there are so many ways to help this situation.
ALL your brain wants is some space, peace and calm, rest, and a chance to rearrange the nerve threads by taking a break.
It’s literally screaming “let me off the hook for a moment!”
To do that, you can take deep breaths, exercise, sing, dance, jump, meditate, affirm, or whatever it is that can make you happy.
5. Failing to do routine tasks.
When you have to re-do your tasks over and over again but those tasks are not new to you.
Stress releases stress hormones and these hormones make us act as if there is a danger around the corner. It makes us hurry up and at the same time, we lose our concentration and do things more sloppy.
Instead, we need to slow down and be careful and in the end, we will be faster since it got right the first time.
These are 5 very common situations when stress is playing tricks on you.
If you learn to watch out for these 5 signs in your own behavior you will help yourself from stress and overwhelm.
But know that each person is different and signs vary, so these are just the most common ones.
STRESS PATTERNS
Find your own stress pattern.
Other seen signs include anxiety, shaking, concentration problems, tummy ache, getting infections, hair loss, sleep problems, over/under-eating.
Since these patterns and symptoms creep up on you slowly, it is hard to make the connection to it being the stress that causes the signs. You don’t actually want to see these signs in your own life. It is so much easier to not see – deny and go on as usual.
But if you as a business leader see these signs in your workgroup, you can do wonders with building a great, successful, and healthy team. You can do that just by acknowledging them and telling them what you see in a nice way – and helping them on the next step.
STRESS AS A WARNING SYSTEM
WE HAVE TO LEARN TO USE our stress warnings RIGHT.
Find your blind spot.
Find your blind spot when you are stressed out – how do you know when you are stressed out?
To give you an example of what blind spots could be, mine is I get everything in slow motion, everything in my head becomes slow motion when I am stressed out.
With this, I take breaks, step backward, and all is okay because this saves me from burnout.
What about you, what do you think is your blind spot?
Why is it important to stay in the present and not look back?
Last week, I posted about stress in the middle of family time and one of the things I mentioned was about the memories from the past, and the no-good it brings.
Sure, while it’s fun to reminisce and all because good memories are always to treasure, you must remember to stay in those good memories and refrain from remembering the bad, and NEVER the “what ifs”. NEVER REGRET.
Why am I saying this?
MAJOR TURNING POINTS IN LIFE
When you are at a turning point in life – like the New Year celebration coming up every year – you always want to look back to see how it was before.
This does not only apply to New Year. It also works for any changes like changing schools, changing work, changing relationships, changing homes, or just about any turning point in life. You always want to look back and see what happened..
That is not a good practice, as this is where comparisons are done… This is where what-ifs are done.
REFLECT ON THE PRESENT AND NOT ON THE PAST
What we really need is to reflect on the present so we can make use of it to plan our future and be happy and successful.
“But I look in the past to use it as an inspiration that if that didn’t happen I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”
That is great!
However, generally, not everyone can do that as our brains are naturally wired for the negatives, set to focus on them to avoid dangers, like a survival instinct – to see the enemy before they see you.
Remember my post about surviving in savannah 200000ish years ago and how our biology didn’t change much but only the world? That’s it.
LESSONS, NOT EMOTIONS
So for looking back, thoughts must be controlled with all of the willpower that you have. Always remember to only get the lessons, but never get back on the emotions.
Once you have the lessons, use them in the now, and you can also start to look forward. What do you want? And although it’s not always obvious what we want, we still can as we always have a vague idea of what it could be.
What only stops most people is the fear – fear of the unknown, fear of failure.
The uncertainty is always huge so fear shows up in all its glory, but as most risk-takers have said, “You really wouldn’t know unless you try”. right?
GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Getting out of your comfort zone is where you grow, and the trick to get by your thoughts is always to stay in the now.
Be in this moment right here, as both the past and the future are just thoughts in your mind.
You cannot get back to the past, and the future has not yet happened – enjoy the process and see where it will take you.
There is no shortcut to success. Behind it is multiple times of failure, it’s just a matter of letting it win over you or trying again.
WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?
The key is…
TO HAVE A GOAL AND TO WORK ON IT EVERY DAY.
Once you have a goal, once you’ve found your purpose and your practice working on them every day…
They will become habits that you do not mind doing every day and one day, you’ll just be shocked that from the bottom you’ve now reached the top!
Set a goal outside of your comfort zone and watch yourself slowly grow…
BABY STEPS MATTER
And if your goal seems hard to achieve, remember that BABY STEPS MATTER. If you are patient and consistently work on your goal and just enjoy the process, you’ll be there without you even realizing it.
You can start with 5 first action points, and the rest will show up as you go along.
When something is into your subconscious already, your mind makes you act on it.
Big family reunions, tiny gatherings, being cozy at home?
One thing’s for sure, it’s supposed to be fun and a time for healing.
But is it always the case?
We can all agree it’s not. For some people, just hearing the word “family reunion” triggers their “stress button”.
FAMILY STRESS
How are people getting stressed about family matters?
Well, it brings up old patterns, traditions some left, and what about the expectations you’re expected to live up to? Family time’s supposed to be fun until all these come.
AVOIDING FAMILY STRESS CAUSES
To avoid being stressed by these things, here are some tips I can share with you. These are the things that I did when I experienced the same, and it really does work wonders, all the time!
Y’all ready?
1. Make traditions your own way.
How do you want the family reunion to be? What’s important for you? Communicate and talk about it, maybe others want to do changes too but haven’t dared to say it out loud like you. Now is the time!
2. Get out of your comfort zone.
Outside your comfort zone shows how you deal with scenarios you’re not familiar with. Outside your comfort zone is WHERE YOU GROW.
3. Show people YOUR tradition.
Many will try to pull you back into the old mold because not everyone’s open to change. But be persistent, live your life and show them that traditions can be grown out and changed.
FIND THE MEANING
Of course, aside from things like these, there are also a lot of other possible causes for stress during family time.
But remember that it all starts with identifying what it means to you.
So…
The most important thing to do is ask yourself the question:
“What is family time for me? What makes it family time?”
From there, set your boundaries and plan your agenda for that day, regardless of whether you’re hosting or not. Because only when you have peace of mind can you have real family time.
Vacations, one that everybody loves but not all has the luxury to have.
Most people see vacation as an extra – a thing you do when you have some disposable income or time.
As a Doctor and Stress Management Expert, I don’t see it that way.
TAKING VACATIONs AS NECESSITY
You can quit putting “vacation” in the list of things you can just do when you have some extra time and money, instead, you can put it under the list of necessities, after the basic ones to survive.
Why? Simply because it’s a necessity!
Business leaders generally work long hours without having much time for hobbies, or things they see as time-wasting activities, but ain’t that a bad thing?
I’ve always been a hard-working person just like most of the leaders I’ve met and worked with, but somewhere deep down’s a need to accomplish something.
Indeed the satisfaction is great upon accomplishing things, plus it gives us the drive to go on and on.
But as we go on and on…
TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES
We forget to take care of ourselves and tend to our personal needs.
Did you know that if we don’t take breaks every now and then, our accomplishments and our drive to go on and on eventually destroy us?
We’ll get sick, we get diseases such as hypertension, cardiac issues, sleep disorders, and other more diseases we can get from being restless.
All these make the vacation a necessity – because not taking breaks, not resting, or not doing something mentally healthy for you – all lead to stress-related diseases.
HEALTHY OVERLOADED VS. DROWNING IN OVERLOAD
One big thing I have seen over and over during my time as Health Strategist is the difference between the healthy overloaded business leaders and the ones “drowning” in their overload.
I have seen that one huge difference is that the healthy ones take time off to do fun things!
I am sure they accomplish just as much as the ones not taking time off, I would say they accomplish even more in less time.
But how?
Because doing fun things gives energy! It is as simple as that.
RELAXING AND DOING FUN THINGS
Relaxing and doing other things also makes your mind work more actively with more neural connections which means your thoughts will be more vivid and you will find solutions you couldn’t find if you just keep working.
The things you do in this “fun and relax” time can be so many different things. The main thing is that YOU FIND IT GOOD.
Engaging in physical activities, singing, going to the movies or to a theater play, playing golf. The list can be endless!
Wouldn’t it be worth a try – have fun AND accomplish more?
THE NEED TO TAKE Healthy breaks
We are already two weeks into December and summer vacation feels far away. I hear a lot of people around me telling me they are so tired and they would need a vacation again.
When I ask what they do during their workweek I understand why they are tired.
No breaks, working overtime, and taking work home on the weekends. They must believe they are “Superman/woman”.
If you find yourself working that much it is time to do some changes if you want to last!
If you work and work without breaks your thinking capacity will get slower and slower and also means you will be time-ineffective.
TAKING A VACATION CAN SAVE LIVES
Yes, in fact, it is actually life-saving to take breaks, a little longer breaks – vacations.
You may protest – “Okay, that’s too much. No one dies because of not taking a vacation or not taking breaks.”
Yes, true. No one, at least not directly, but a lot of people die from too much stress, and too much stress can be lessened by taking breaks.
THE TAKEAWAY
Your brain needs a rest many times a day to be able to keep up with its thinking. Every time you take a minibreak your brain will say: “Thank you, now I can rest a bit and my thoughts will get in order again and I can think new thoughts”
Isn’t that a great gift to give to your brain every day – and it is a gift for yourself too?
You will get more done and things will feel easier to do, that will bring you into a more positive and happy mood and you will be more creative – and you will get more done – and you are in that positive circle, positive spiral upwards.
Taking longer breaks – like holidays will be even nicer to your brain – will give it time to reboot from the bottom up
If you don’t have time for creating health in your life now – you will have to make time for illness later.
Do you know why it’s important to surround yourself with good people, generally and even in the business?
Let me tell you about my first experience as an entrepreneur.
Coming from a tax-paid system where you never have to think about anything from the business perspective, the clients/patients were there. They pay a fixed sum to the system and I just do the Doctor’s work on my daily list, then I get my salary.
Soon, when I was starting to take the first trembling steps as an entrepreneur trying to figure out the selling and finding clients part, I met a nurse who had a brilliant idea for a business model that made me all ears.
We teamed up! And everybody said we were the perfect team for the business.
OUR STORY AS PARTNERS
First-year was fun. She knew all those things about marketing and I learned a lot but there’s awkwardness.
In year two, we were starting to sell after the first year of mostly building, preparation, and marketing.
The moment we started selling… is the moment we need to start building clients’ trust.
But when we started to sell, people were leaning more on me as I was the Doctor and our biggest product. This made my companion change – as in starting to get mean.
Until one day, after a meeting with a potential client, I received a very long email telling me I was the worst doctor on earth who knew nothing. I really have no idea what happened but hey, imagine the amount of stress!
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE
I went to my business mentor, lost a lot of money, and went bankrupt, worked as a regular Doctor again to pay off the lawyer that helped me.
And to top all those off, the nurse who was my then-partner had all the practical deals and registrations in her personal name, which gave her all the power over all the properties of our joint company.
It was a huge lesson for me! I was very trusting considering I was a newbie in the industry.
Having experienced being my own boss and not being on a payroll, I bounced back and started again, but this time, on my own.
This story shows that you have to have GOOD PEOPLE AROUND YOU.
Had I found a better partner, I wouldn’t be called worst for no reason especially after what felt like a very good client meeting, and I wouldn’t have gone bankrupt or tricked into all the papers. I would have been successful earlier.
Surrounding yourself with good people dramatically improves your quality of life.
In my years of working with Stress Management, I’ve seen that there are a lot of things you need to change to achieve a calmer life.
First, establishing a mindset that you want a positive change in your life and doing what you can in your power to stick with that mindset aligns with your actions.
Now that you have the mindset and the energy, you already have what it takes to make some major life changes – such as, changing who you surround yourself with.
But this is where it gets tricky because sometimes we don’t really know who’s good for us and who’s not.
So the question you should be asking yourself is:
When you are with them, do you feel like gaining or draining?
And we all know for a fact that your answer should be the first one because if not, then it just means it’s time..
Time to change your network.
And it even gets trickier..
“I can’t change them, they are my family.”
Or…
“How can I change them, we are basically in the same organization!”
I know, and I HEAR YOU.
I know there are circumstances where it’s basically impossible to change entirely or put the connections that drain you entirely out of your life. That is why this is not a one size fits all solution.
In the first example, you think that your own family drains you. This is very common. And “most” are rooted in the same problem: YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL. “What does that mean?”
Connections start the moment we are born. We grow with our family and relatives, and we imitate what we see in them. We also live by their beliefs and opinions because those are the beliefs and opinions we were exposed to. And we believe it’s normal because we choose to believe it is normal – because that is the only way we know… their ways.
But when we start getting exposed to the outside world… and we start to see things differently, we start to realize that there are dozens of different ways aside from what’s instilled in us. Then from there, we learn.
And it’s good. But IS IT ENOUGH?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Because if it is, then why are you draining?
Because you are settling. Settling for the beliefs and opinions that other people wanted you to believe. And I’m sorry to be the one to break it out to you but, it will never be enough until you believe your own beliefs, and choose your own choices.
YOU ARE THE DRIVER OF YOUR LIFE
And for the people being in the same organization that’s draining you?
Here are the three things that I can advise you:
1. Reflect on yourself. Maybe you are not always presenting yourself as a positive person? Always start with changing how you behave yourself in front of other people. Smile, observe, and truly listen – because positive energy is contagious – feelings are contagious.
2. Stay casual. Number 1 did not work? It’s okay. Because by then, you already know that it’s not you, it’s them. If the 1st step did not work, then try as little interaction as you can have. No segues, just pure work-relationship and remember to always come emotionally prepared.
3. RETREAT! Both step 1 and step 2 did not work? Leave as soon as you can before severe damage.
“But why is retreating an option? Aren’t we supposed to look for solutions? Then why are we backing out?”
Because some things are out of our control and we have to accept that.
A good example is when I had a co-op with a person with an agenda of her own for a year which took me 3 years in a nightmare to get out of. I am a Stress Management Expert, and a Doctor – but even I had to retreat. So unless you specialize in these cases, or have more than a gigantic amount of patience and understanding – I’d say, LEAVE BEFORE IT BREAKS YOU. Besides, we’re looking for solutions, not more problems.
Once again, surround yourself with good people and always remember – “You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with”.
LESSONS LEARNED
But hey, no reason to dwell on the past. No regrets, only lessons learned! 🙂
Holidays are just right around the corner again! Notice how time flies? You just realized it’s that time of the year that you have to figure out how to calm down for the holidays.
Although yes, nothing beats the good holiday feels. It’s very exciting, and a time that everybody’s looking forward to.
But is it always just the fun side of things?
Well, honestly, if you aren’t on the organizing side… if you just show up and attend and then celebrate – you probably won’t even know that holidays can be stressful too.
The question is: “How”?
HOW HOLIDAYS ARE ALSO STRESSFUL
The holiday season can be hectic. Don’t you know that just the word “Christmas” can press a “Stress Button” within?
I’ll get into more of that a little bit later.
First, I wanna know what Christmas is for you…
Today, for me, it is “family time”. But before, it was just a lot of stress – a rat race I hated until I found a solution to my problem.
You could be asking: “What problem? It’s Christmas!”
MY HOLIDAY STORY
Here’s my story:
When I was a kid, I remembered jumping from one relative to another – where some of them got annoyed because they thought we didn’t prioritize them over the other. It’s like everyone wanted to be the “first one” to be visited, and that’s stressful.
Imagine visiting 4-5 places to visit during a few hours to exchange gifts and taste each other’s sweets which was a must because of expectations? I had to wait until the evening to have our own time, the closest family members.
When I got my own kids, I know I didn’t want them to experience the same. We had to do it due to “family rules” until the solution came.
When I was pregnant with my third we bought our summer house, which I thought was a good place – situated an hour away from where our relatives live, “winter-proof”, and can accommodate a whole bunch of people!
So I told everyone – “We invite all of you for Christmas, this Christmas, and the rest coming as long as we own this summer house, just let us know if you are coming.”
Some didn’t like it since they had to get out of their comfort zones. But we’ve stuck to this up until now, where my now-grown kids make sure early in the fall that we will all be together in the summer house for Christmas.
Our summer house – the place where we all find peace, enjoy the silence and have a good family time doing puzzles, playing games, taking long walks by the beach, is the only place Santa Claus knows of.
Still hectic because it comes with a lot of preparation, but hectic that you are enjoying it and you are looking forward to the celebration.
HOW HOLIDAYS ARE WHEN YOU HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN
The holidays, in general, are very hectic, and if you are a business leader you have it double up. Expectations aren’t just from family but also from work.
THE SOLUTION
Despite all this stress, there is a solution, and the earlier you start, the better.
The solution is called…
PLANNING.
With correct planning, everything is achievable. Miscommunication and unrealistic expectations are the main causes of stress, so to avoid this…
COMMUNICATION IS VITAL.
With planning and communication, the stress is minimal.
3 SPECIFIC TIPS
Here are more detailed tips:
1. Make a preliminary to-do list for the weeks ahead.
This will make things clear and can help you with saving time and energy. Also reduces the amount of last-minute panic.
2. Make a preliminary list of all “holiday meals”.
Opt for potlucks instead of flowers or chocolates as gifts for the hostess. Make a list accessible to everyone to avoid repetition.
3. Decide on Christmas gifts together.
To one or many? Set a price – to avoid overthinking if the price is “just right”, “too low”, or “too high”.
BONUS TIP
Here’s a bonus tip for y’all:
Take a walk and talk at least once a day during the holidays.
Walk and talk means taking someone along on a brisk walk and openly discussing anything. It has something to do with your brain nerve connections and muscle movement eating stress hormones but I will not dig into it so much so you just try and see what I mean. 😉
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