Why does it seem so easy to other people to hit it on, but we always feel like it is sooo hard to even start a conversation?
This is a long stretch for many people. I get it!
I know from myself – being an introvert – still am but have found ways to walk around it.
But when I was younger I was always in the second line of people – never upfront, never saying a thing except when I was treated deeply unfairly, especially by a special teacher in high school, but when I spoke up, I got myself in bad trouble!
She liked me just as little as I liked her. Teachers who have very obvious favorites have never been my favorites.
Maybe you share this experience with me..
Today I want to talk about ways to connect with people – new ones and old ones too! Make the conversation and connection a good one, help them grow, and help yourself grow.
1. COMPLIMENT
The first way can be to compliment someone or say something nice to them in a nice and honest way.
It doesn’t count if you just say it so you can but then you know you don’t mean it – you’ll be surprised how many people actually can read genuineness from afar.
FIND THE BEAUTY
Who Doesn’t want to speak with you when you let them know how great you think their shoes, hair, shirt or car is? Find the beauty and let it flow.
I am sure that in just about any situation you can find at least ONE thing you can honestly say positive things about.
PRACTICE
You can practice this by doing it in all meetings you have with other people, and you’ll get used to it that it will come naturally every time.
You also don’t know how much you can light up a person receiving your compliment, and that tiny positivity you started will spread around and it will be a win-win for everyone.
2. GRATITUDE
When you share gratitude with someone for something they have done for you, it is the perfect open door for a conversation.
This works a little bit like the giving of compliments But focuses on something they have done for you that you can be grateful for.
It does not have to be big life-changing things, it can be very minor actions, like opening the door for you.
IT WORKS 2 WAYS
Gratitude works in 2 ways. Your brain gives rewards to YOU for doing it by making you feel good, and of course, the receiver, a simple thanks could always go a long way.
Who knows where this ripple effect could lead?
3. SMILE
The power of a smile – is my favorite. So easy, always at hand, so effective!
Yes, smiling is contagious and science has demonstrated that over time and time again. Your smile may be the perfect catalyst for a conversation also with people you don’t know from the beginning.
A smile is irresistible. It is extremely hard not to smile back if someone gives you a smile, and you can use the smile just to spread happiness even if you don’t aim to start a conversation.
I have talked about the smile tool for many years now – and I still love it. I was an introvert – but smiling is easy.
4. CHECK-IN ON THEM
Give them a ring or send a card!
The pandemic has not been a ton of fun for anyone, making the community experience the pandemic as the perfect catalyst that can bond two people – asking how someone managed the pandemic life, and now that when the pandemic is on its way out we can still find thousands of other reasons to check in on friends and family.
5. A QUICK HELLO DOESN’T HURT
A simple hello can be the catalyst to a great conversation on the street, at the office, or in your community.
Who knows who you might get connected with based on a simple hello?
KINDNESS IS THE BASE
As you by now may have gathered is that all 5 ways are based on the same principle – kindness, – and it is contagious
All of my examples – compliments, gratitude, smile, friendly check-in conversation, or just saying hello – are all based on Kindness and have astounding ripple effects, so a little kindness can go a long way.
Kindness is CONTAGIOUS – an odd but true thing to say.
An even more fun fact is that kindness is more contagious than a virus, as it works EVERY TIME.
“How is that possible?”, you might ask.
Well, that is made possible by our little mirrors…
Or basically, our neurons mirror the behavior of each other, as though the observer were itself doing the act.
THE MIRROR NEURON THEORY
Imagine walking one day to grab your morning coffee, and someone just greeted you “Good Morning” with a big smile, you automatically smile and greet them back even if you do not know the person.
Then you will notice that you’re suddenly spreading positive vibes with the people around you, you carry the smile for a longer time and you pass it to the people you encounter, and of course, they pass it along too.
That also applies to negative emotions, that is why when someone is having a bad day and spreading negative vibes in one room, you just feel like you want to get out because you also feel the negativity as if it’s yours.
Additionally, we mirror back ourselves. When we do good deeds, like giving compliments or expressing gratitude, we produce feel-good hormones in our brains which make us feel so much better.
So the more we do it, the more we feel good and the higher the chance of getting it back.
MORE CASES
Not enough proof?
Why do you move your leg or get the urge to do so when watching an intense football/soccer game?
Why do you cry when you see television actors cry? Why do you laugh when they laugh? Why do you feel the emotions so much as if what’s happening to the show is happening to you?
I know, it’s astonishing to even imagine how it works. I was astounded when I first heard about it too, but I think science first figured out the theory because of the smile scenarios – that if I smile at you you automatically smile back despite not knowing each other.
KINDNESS FROM A BUSINESS PERSPECTIVE
Let’s analyze this from a business perspective.
A lot of businesses today or at least their leadership believe in using push methods which are stressful.
Being pushed to do harder can be motivational if done right, but most of the time makes the person feel more pressured than motivated.
They might look like everything’s alright at the moment, as they have no problems working too hard, but in the LONG RUN, they will start to feel overwhelmed, and demotivated, and you will notice the work getting slower. You get stressed out – and in the end, burned out
Why? Because the push method only works for short-term relationships, if you want to build a long-term one, you have to do it right and make sure that what you release is positivity so that in return what you get is efficiency and effectiveness.
Businesses, it actually goes for every activity – business or not – activities are supposed to be fun and not all seriousness, as if mixed with a good amount of fun, the value comes.
Feelings of all types have ways of getting into us no matter what.
WHAT TO DO NEXT
So the next time you encounter anyone, use this mirror neuron theory to spread goodness around.
THERE IS NO NEED TO HURRY
However you want to start a conversation, remember that you do not need to hurry or pressure yourself. Do it when you’re ready! You don’t want to stutter or say words not thought about, to avoid it from backfiring.
If you want more help with self-development, here’s a copy of my free e-bookso you can jumpstart your journey!
You may be asking, is there a way that you can stay efficient both at work and at home, without compromising either?
You are tired, you feel worn out.
These days, you’re also fed up with all the “what’s happening in our world” talks as it’s ruling everybody else’s life, including ours.
Like you, I had my hands full before and just did not need any other extra burden. It was a never-ending story with tasks waiting to get done.
You still have many hours left at work, and a pile of tasks but you just want to sleep and be able to forget everything. And stress? It’s already taking a strict grip on your brain.
HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? Recognize.
Everything that’s happening in our world today makes us a little more uncertain, and uncertainty’s naturally a threat to our brains so stress creeps up on us without us noticing until everything just becomes so heavy and hopeless.
WILL UNCERTAINTY HURT YOU
Not really if you take the time to rest and rejuvenate from time to time, or prevent yourself from constantly ending up n that situation by acting at first signs.
To help you, I’ll give 5 proven EASY tips that give you calm, energy, better structure in work, and in the end when all combined, better life or revenue business-wise.
1. The Breathing Anchor
What other BESt here and NOW tool than your ability to take deep breaths??
Admittedly, others see breathing as just breathing – but believe me when I tell you, and as a Doctor, that IT IS NOT. It’s the basic source of life. No breathing, no oxygen = no life!
In a workshop with a group of businesspeople, I was teaching them this tool. One man went almost crazy stating that he was absolutely not doing any breathing exercise – it was just all wo-wo.
I had to calm him down. He even told me not to play games with him. I said, well then by normally breathing he was halfway there – he just needed to start seeing it as a tool.
We showed the whole group how to do the breathing in a good way and off they went for 4 weeks. The guy did not look happy when we parted.
4 weeks later at the next workshop session, this man comes up to me – apologizing for his behavior the last time.
He had – behind closed doors – tested the exercise and noticed that he did feel better – less stress and got better flow in his work and realized it was a good thing!
So, if you start to use breathing as a tool, you will have a friend for life.
Make it your first automatic thing to do when you feel the stress come creeping up your back.
Just stop and breathe..
I heard someone call it your 10-second vacation – and that is a very good way to see it – that is just what it is. 10 seconds of peace of mind – and that can make all the difference.
Someone else calls it your airbag – to release when stress hits you.
Whichever of these analogies you use – don’t forget to utilize this free, effective, and readily available tool.
2. PHYSICAL MOVEMENT
Stand up, jump, stretch, walk around! Movement generates energy in both body and mind by improving cell connections in the brain.
Angry, upset, or stressed out? Walk around the block and you’ll be surprised you’ll feel calm.
Notice how when people fight and someone who doesn’t like talking much when full of emotions just walks out, and then comes back ready to talk calmly? That’s what I’m talking about.
Wayback 200,000 ish years ago we were equipped with 3 main ways to react to threats: flight, fight or freeze – combined with a 4th tool – the ability to move.
Moving plus thinking has a connection. Lost a thought? Move and you’ll remember it easier.
Physical movement gives us clarity, and when we’re thinking straight, we can do great unexpected things.
3. A BREAK.
Our brains don’t like being active for too long. They need to rest and reorganize every now and then.
Sprint 20-50 minutes of work, then squeeze in a 5-15 minute break. Get a coffee, breathe, exercise, stretch, jump, sing, dance… Do crochet, sew – whatever makes your heart happy!
4. Delegate!
Have someone else do the work! Repetitive or routinary tasks that can be taught one time? A task that follows a specific process you can teach? Boring easy tasks?
True enough, not everyone has somebody else to delegate to, but buying a service from someone who in no time can do what takes you ages is always an option! In return, you’ll get more time at your hands and focus on things you do the best.
5. MAKE A STRUCTURE.
Get your working routines in order. Get help from systems and structures that already exist. It may take a day or two to do these organizing changes to get a system that works. But you will soon get all that time back and lots more upfront when your work is much more effective in your daily routine.
Once you have a structure for everything, it can easily be taught and passed on, and implementing #4 above will be waaaay easier!
I know all this sounds too much to take but coming to think of it, they’re all easy, and once all set, make your lives so much easier!
I have received questions before about taking a pill instead to calm down… but, let me warn you on that: Yes, it is true that if you take it all will seem good because you’ll feel calm and better but NO, you’re not done with your “stress problems” and your problem is NOT SOLVED.
Just like alcohol… it helps in a day but certainly only offers temporary relief and solves no root cause of a problem. In fact, can even cause an additional one – alcohol addiction.
So no, I say do not succumb to these temporary solutions because quick fixes never work.
MANAGE TASKS TO BE EFFICIENT
Making a list of things to do or tasks at hand plays a crucial role in this journey, as well as prioritizing them in order.
When you don’t have anything that requires urgency, then that’s your excuse to just go pick random tasks because it’s obvious that the one that you pick is also the one that you like the most to do.
Although we tend to pick the easy ones first, I suggest doing it the other way around because ticking off the hard ones from the list can put your mind at ease.
Nobody for sure would like the hard ones getting piled up… or it becomes unmanageable.
CATEGORIZING YOUR TASKS
If you get confused about which task goes first while making your list, I advise you to break them down into these 4 categories:
1. Urgent and Important
Examples of tasks that fall under this category are those that you cannot always predict and require immediate action or attention to stop further harm if any. These tasks give you the feeling to drop other tasks and do only these tasks NOW.
Both things that include preventing conflicts or making you lose an important opportunity go here.
2. Not Urgent But Important
These tasks, since they are not urgent… sometimes mean that you need to have the time to ponder about them.
Sample tasks that fall here are the tasks that could be something big for your business and need plenty of time planning and doing.
“Why does it come second if it is not urgent”
Because if you don’t start doing them now, sooner or later THEY BECOME URGENT. They may be crucial to your business moving forward – but your mind puts them off – because they are time-consuming and often also energy draining.
Most often selling comes here and all the development of new products. It doesn’t have to be done today – but if never done your business will die.
3. Urgent But Not Important
These are the tasks that require urgency looking like they could be preventing you from achieving some of your goals or proceeding to the next step/s.
But since they are not important, ask yourself if they can be rescheduled or outsourced.
Often we also find all the things from OTHER people’s list here – we are asked for things that we don’t have to do – but since someone is asking for it we think we need to answer. But if we reflect we can see they are not important to us at all.
4. Not Urgent and Not Important
Yes, they do exist. Some examples that fall here are those that other people told you that you need to do or tasks you see other people have so you also thought you need to do the same but don’t probably have to do at all.
Avoid these tasks as much as possible as they only serve as a distraction. Reflect and ask if these tasks are really necessary or just a waste of time.
Transparency for me is the basis for trust in doing business with other people.
Going back, one of the ladies I had that talk with, asked me about my thoughts on the matter because I was very firm on it, making a statement that it’s really important. And today, I’ll share with you the things that I’ve shared with them – where after the end of the long discussion they got new perspectives.
I’ll begin by giving you a scenario.
“Let’s say, you lied to your friend John, but here comes Marie who knows the truth, and one day, you discovered that John and Marie are friends What are you gonna do? Will you tell the truth to John or pretend like nothing’s wrong at all?”
That’s entirely up to you – but to tell you something, regardless of the act that you take, you cannot reverse the damage that you’ve done with the lying, you’ve already tarnished your reputation, and with that reputation, how can people know if they can trust you?
The scenario may be simple, but we know how common it is.
Aside from reputation being tarnished, what can it do to you internally?
You’ll be anxious and you’ll always overthink it. You’ll have to be very extra cautious and you’re always scared of something, especially the truth spilling out.
All that are very stressful and we know what too much stress does to our bodies, so it’s not wise to lie from the very beginning.
THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY IT TAKES
All these things also take a lot of energy just to keep track of things.
One lie leads to more lies, and it will just never be over.
Let me share my personal experience about the matter.
When I was new with my business, I got help from various associations from the upstart and got into a co-op with a lady nurse.
Everything was great! Or at least, looked great on the surface as she had a great business model that we used – except that she had a hidden agenda.
She was never transparent in the beginning as my business partner. She put everything in her name and was just telling me that it was ours, but then I was too blue-eyed to question it.
People around me started questioning some of the things we were doing so I had a hunch that something more was happening. I then confronted her but all I got were additional lies I failed to notice as lies so we continued…
Until I asked the wrong question, or actually, the RIGHT ONE that made her shield crack and blew up on me, even uttered things like I do not know anything about healthcare.
Me? Who’s been a Doctor for decades???? Knows nothing about healthcare??? Pretty sure that’s her way to gaslight in her effort to escape the questions I asked.
Then the 3-month hell started, til I got help from my lawyers to put the company in bankruptcy. We both lost a lot of money and it took me a year of hard work as a Doctor to be able to recover.
THE LESSON
Be aware of what you sign up for, and ask the right questions. Transparency is a MUST.
TRANSPARENCY AND SUCCESS CORRELATION
How does transparency help in business success?
Well, aside from the fact that you’ll be closer to achieving success if you are less stressed…
Imagine running a business without transparency. You can be great at what you do, but the company’s success will never be long-term without it.
Remember, it only takes a single wronged person for a business to fall.
WHAT TO DO WHEN BEING TRANSPARENT IS NOT AN OPTION
Having worked in healthcare as a Doctor for many years… I know that there are just unexpected situations where being completely transparent is hard so I know that it’s not always easy.
It was always a thin line to walk for me. I mean, how do you easily tell your patients about things that you know could really hurt them and their families?
But of course, at the same time, I know better – than holding it off, covering it up, postponing it, or worse, lying about it would just make things worse.
“So you shrug it off, the possibility of hurting them?”
No. But I always search for the best words to tell them. I tell the truth and nothing but the complete truth, but I kind of wrap my words in a nice package so it doesn’t hit them so hard. If possible.
BUSINESS TRANSPARENCY
Transparency in business means offering a clear, honest assessment of what’s going on within one’s work and starts with a simple shift in communication: openness and honesty between everyone involved in the business relationship.
It is also the basis for trust between a firm and its investors, customers, partners, and employees, having its core objective to be always the same: establishing trust and goodwill.
Let’s look at Some examples of what transparency in business can include:
With Investors and Shareholders – Investors think about transparency in terms of how readily they can access financial information about a company, including its price levels and audited financial reports. Investors must be able to trust that your organization produces financial reports that are informative, accurate, and independently audited.
With Customers – Customers want to see transparency from the businesses where they choose to spend their money. To achieve transparency with its customers, businesses should respond to customer inquiries and feedback in an honest and timely fashion, and increase the accessibility of information about their products and services. Transparency also means admitting to mistakes instead of trying to cover them up, and working to make things right with customers. When executed well, transparency with customers results in elevated brand loyalty, increased sales, and stronger employee satisfaction.
In the Supply Chain – Transparency between an organization and its vendors and suppliers is essential for ensuring a productive ongoing relationship. An organization may cease doing business with a supplier who fails to honestly communicate about the sources of its materials or labor. Supply chains are increasingly being scrutinized by governments, consumers, and NGOs who are concerned about the ethical sourcing of labor and materials.
With Employees – Transparency with employees is centered around honest, two-way communications between employees of the business and their managers. This can include transparent discussions about business goals and objectives, challenges, employee performance, and other work-related issues.
In the end, the primary benefit of business transparency is that it produces trust and goodwill while safeguarding the firm’s reputation among investors, partners, employees, customers, and other stakeholders. In addition to all the above-mentioned, benefits also include:
Increasing employee morale
Boosting employee engagement and retention
Demonstrating stability and encouraging investment
Leveraging honest feedback to improve processes and drive results
Demonstrating integrity and ethical behavior
Studies show that approximately 9 in 10 individuals (85%) are expected to stick by the company during a brand crunch if it possesses a history of being fully transparent.
TRANSPARENCY AND INTERNAL INFORMATION
Transparency in business can also mean publicizing a company’s internal information externally which can include:
Financial performance
Pricing
Key processes
Hiring practices
Diversity and inclusion data
Sharing all of this information keeps companies accountable to their customers and, most importantly, pushes them to follow ethical business practices.
Nowadays, people don’t just buy your product or services — they also buy what you stand for. In Edelman’s 2019 Brand Trust Survey, 81% of survey respondents reported that they “must be able to trust the brand to do what is right” to justify their purchase of the brand’s products or services.
But how exactly do you gain people’s trust, especially when the majority of consumers are skeptical of a lot of brands’ true intentions? A crucial first step to take is to fully commit to transparency. People value transparency because we evolved to trust the people who are honest and despise those who are deceptive. The former could help us survive. The latter could do the very opposite.
In a nutshell, people buy brands — not just products — and practicing transparency helps build their trust and affinity for your company. But this begs the question — what does that actually look like?
As I started off today ALL of these angles – steps – viewpoints cause a lot of stress for everyone involved if we feel we are doing the wrong thing.
Sticking to the truth helps us to stay grounded and be sure we do our best and that will be the best guarantee for less stress in your business
And of course, all these facts and angles can be applied to your personal life too.
This discussion around transparency, around the truth or lying, can be hard to tackle. It is a sensitive subject that can stress you out a lot.
What is right and what is wrong?
If you do not know where to start or feel hard to do on your own, it’s okay! You can start with little things, such as mastering your stress management as a leader, and then with less stress, the rest will automatically follow.
“Who said it is? I don’t need one, I’ve got no time for one because I’ve got lots of things to do.”
Well, while I admire your work dedication, I worry about your body and stress levels.
I’m sure that everyone longs for vacation or at least free time for themselves, but not everyone takes one.
Why?
Because they think that if they take one, then they wasted a lot of time since instead of being on a vacation, they could be working.
But don’t you know that if you don’t take breaks at least once in a while, your body or your mind will sooner or later give up because of feeling so overwhelmed?
TAKING A VACATION CAN SAVE LIVES
Yes, in fact, it is actually life-saving to take breaks.
“Okay, that’s too much. No one dies because of not taking a vacation or not taking breaks.”
Yes, true. No one, at least not directly, but a lot of people die from too much stress, and too much stress can be lessened by taking breaks.
THE SCIENCE BEHIND STRESS
Stress is when demands are higher than what you can do when you have too much to do that you feel like it’s never-ending and you always feel like chasing around in that hamster wheel; or maybe it’s too hard to do, just a few tasks but you have no idea how to get to the end of it.
Truth is, we all have normal levels of stress always present in our body because it’s part of our normal biology and without it we’re dead.
Read that again. I said, “NORMAL” stress levels. So they are supposed to be in that state only.
But different situations arise, which then makes the number of our stress levels go up and down, and when it’s too high, that’s the only moment we feel it or get the symptoms like headaches and irritability.
When the stress levels go up, the immune system goes down. When the immune system is down, it’s easier to get sick.
So yes, again, the basic way which is taking breaks, or a vacation, can SAVE A LIFE.
REGULAR BREAKS INSTEAD OF A VACATION
If you think that a vacation is still out of reach, then the technique is taking regular breaks over the day.
Stand up from your desk, jump or dance around a little, sing, jog, exercise, or do anything that you feel like doing as long as you take a break…
Because it helps your brain and system with stress hormones. Is it getting too high? Take a breather and give it time to go down.
Once it’s back to its normal levels, you’ll be surprised at how productive you can be because you feel great.
THE POWER OF MIND
Despite all the above-mentioned, one solution is always not best for all because of personality differences.
Some people don’t like moving, and you’ll be surprised at how they deal with their stress levels.
MINDSET.
Okay, I’ll elaborate.
They ACCEPT. They set their minds and give themselves personal affirmations like:
“Okay, today is a long day and I’m gonna do something so hard but I will do my best to get it done. It will take longer than the usual but it’s okay and it will be done in time.”
This plus breathing and a positive mindset save their day.
You can choose and use which suits you best, or try mixing it up!
After all, what’s important here is being able to control and manage your stress levels properly, so that you feel LESS STRESS, GET MORE THINGS DONE RIGHT, FEEL GOOD, and in the end, HAVE MORE REVENUE BROUGHT BY YOUR POSITIVITY!
‘Where does stress come from?” What a great question, isn’t it?
When we hear this question, we immediately think of the current causes of stress. But what about its HISTORY and SCIENCE?
“Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could eliminate stress totally?“
“Oh, easy peasy. Just take a pill against stress hormones and the levels go down to zero. And we would live happily and calmly forever after.”
Well, if you still believe that way the I hate to break it up to you BUT…
IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.
Our stress hormone system is part of life, of our normal biology, and with no stress hormones pumping around in your body –YOU ARE DEAD.
How is that… POSSIBLE?
THE STRESS THEORY
HANS SEYLE founded the stress theory in humans.
Seyle, who is a pioneer in stress research and nominated for the NOBEL PRIZE 17 times, borrowed the word “stress” from the technical world where it’s defined as “the amount of pressure any material can take before getting damaged”.
This has also been applied to our bodies, how much can our bodies take before they break? How much before our back breaks or our ankles get sprained?
When we’re talking about our bodies or our bones breaking, it all sounds normal but we haven’t until now started to talk about how much pressure our brains can take.
If it’s the brain we’re talking about, more or less it’s only “go home, sleep, and come back tomorrow”, or “rest a little and all will be fine” that we’ll get.
And in case you’re wondering, it’s probably because we can’t really see the amount of damage as we do with our limbs and back. We can’t see if it’s swollen or feel if it’s aching. There are no signs, it just suddenly happens.
And what we know – is that if it doesn’t function – it gets scary.
THE TRUTH
Truth is, stress-related brain dysfunction is NOT a mental illness but PART of NORMAL BIOLOGY.
Did you know that at the least, here in my country (Sweden), brain fog is still not as accepted as having limbing limbs?
But brain damage caused by stress today is more common than physical damage.
But how did we get this system, to begin with? Or, how did it all begin?
HISTORY OF STRESS
Let me start FROM THE BEGINNING.
Imagine yourself 200000ish years ago…
You live in a small cave, and then the savanna is spreading wide outside with all the beautiful wildlife... and you live together with a small group of other people.
You stay “indoors” and rest and sleep during the dark for 12 hours and are out working,hunting, seeking fruits, seeds and berries, when it is light for 12 hours.
In this case, you are just evolving as the modern human being from your older ancestors.
Then you are given 4 BASIC NEEDS – things you need to do TO SURVIVE in that environment.
SLEEP and REST to clear your brain and body and get rid of waste products.
EAT to get energy to your brain and body.
MOVE YOUR MUSCLES because you need them for the hunting and they are connected with your brain activity. It makes you think while you hunt – all to do the right thing in each moment – so YOU SURVIVE.
And PROCREATE– to make your RACE SURVIVE.
This is what you get and it is all regulated by your stress system set up AT THIS TIME.
THE BASIC SURVIVAL INSTINCTS
Because it’s basically survival back then, our ancestors had these 3 survival instincts:
1. Flight, or run as fast as you can away from the threat.
2. Fight, as hard as you can so you can eat, or lose then you become their food
3. Freeze, or fall down and play dead so the attacker loses interest
The ability to move around and think were the two most important tools that made the 3 instincts possible.
The system found the connection between moving and thinking to be important. Remember a time when you lose a thought and the thought came back the moment you moved? That’s what I’m talking about.
Your adrenal glands give adrenalineand noradrenaline for the acute system when we talk about life or death – eat or be eaten – fight or flight – or play dead.
And they produce cortisol for the long-term defense, the endurance.
This is it – and we can call it Version 1.0 of Human Biology.
And it was in a 1.0 surrounding on the savannah – a perfect match of systems – built in the balance!
HOW IT IS TODAY
“SO WHAT? What has this got to do with me and my stressed-out life lately?”
ALL AND EVERYTHING!
You are still – 200000ish years later, a 1.0 human being– functioning very primitively, like when your threats were wild animals and you were struggling to get food.
But now you live in a 5.0 or even 10.0 world.A 24/7 society with endless possibilities.
This is the challenge, what we have to overcome, overlap, or count into the equation on what to do now.
We need to tackle this in a totally different way.
“Food is given around the clock and you sit on your sofa as a potato and grow fat and stale. All the challenges you have at work need new solutions, and it is not okay to run away or smash your boss in the face when they ask you to do more work than you can handle – or fall to the floor and play dead for that matter.”
This is what we need to have in mind, this is why we feel this stressful time. And this is also why we tackle these challenges in such a clumsy way.
We function on reflex and want a solution NOW.But NOW does not always work in this world.
Still, we are swamped with quick fixes – “the market” has figured it all outsell stuff for immediate satisfaction – apps, gadgets, pills, alcohol, medication, drugs, and the like.
They might make us calm for a momentbut mostly they give us one more thing to keep track of.
What to do instead?
BACK TO BASICS
Look back to where we came from, how we are made to function, and adjust to that.
What is your most burning question about stress as a business leader?
You go to work every day. That is where you spend most of your awake time, especially if you are the boss. Shouldn’t that be feeling good, or even great most of the time?
Does it? Be honest with yourself.
Remember my last blog post, stating that 26% of the leadership felt uneasy about going to work, and over 40% in the tax paid systems workplaces.
Sad. Isn’t it? And scary.
Some years ago I asked a group of leaders: “What is your most burning question about stress?“
I got A LOT of interesting questions. And this one is not solvable in the easy way BUT it certainly needs to be addressed:
The question that I got was: “What can I do when the stress is not caused by me but by someone else who puts me in that situation?”
Honestly, it’s not very uncommon. We hear people most of the time complaining about something they didn’t even cause.
“I can’t control my situation! It’s absolutely unmanageable! My boss puts all the problems on my shoulders! My employees don’t do what they are supposed to! I always end up doing everything! My spouse has unrealistic expectations, and someone else always puts me in an overload!”
“I feel like a victim. The overload is killing me.”
Sounds familiar?
Okay, don’t get me wrong. Those situations are definitely normal. There is no quick fix or a one-for-all kind of solution as there will always be different solutions for everyone.
BUT what I can see, is the SAME PATTERN in all of them. You feel the threat from someone else’s problems – one way or another.
One step to clarity is to write about it. Laying it all down is a very good way to get clear on things, and you need it to know why things happen over and over again.
It is not about blaming yourself or someone else, but it is about the fact of what is. Put down all the pluses and minuses you find, and then organize them into themes. Ponder and rearrange if needed.
Depending on what pops up, the next step will be different for each and one of you.
It could be to talk to the person you find “dumping” their world on you. That could be your boss, your colleagues, your spouse, or whoever it was who did not see the pattern.
On the other hand, you might need to take drastic actions such as leaving your job or your spouse. Because you can not change them, you can only change yourself. If things end up in much more drastic actions, it might be good to ask for help.
The next question is completely different: “Is stress aging me? I feel like I aged 10 years last year! I feel tired like an old man/woman and I am still just in my thirties.”
The short answer is – YEP.
The longer version is yes, probably – if you are stressed for a long time. Short moments of stress are part of natural life. In fact, no one can claim they are never stressed, or they are lying.
Consequently, long-term stress will affect your immune system and cause many diseases, including bad skin, making you look older!
Also, it puts you at risk to get cardiovascular disease, stroke, hypertension, obesity to name a few. And not to mention, depression.
The #1 solution to this question is:Take breaks, lots of short breaks every day, or a long break in a month. Let your brain rest and your body relax and you will keep your stress hormone levels on a normal, healthy level – then you can function smoothly again. And you will get just as much done since you will do it right the first time.
The last question I want to share today is connected with the previous question: “Can I recover from long-term stress and regain my health?”
The answer to this is also YES.
Yes, you can recover and of course, it depends on how long it has been going on and if you have developed any irreversible damage. BUT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS – you can REGAIN YOUR HEALTH and you can at least stop the progress of the chronic disease.
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