If you tend to hold grudges, it’s time to learn to let go as letting go of your grudges lessens your stress in life and helps you achieve real happiness.
HOLDING GRUDGES
A grudge is when you have this constant feeling of resentment or ill will brought by the past memories – but in the end, up to no good.
Why? Because it constantly brings back all the negative emotions it has with it, and you feel like you’re back there all over again.
GRUDGES ARE TOXIC
Holding grudges is toxic, and at the same time – makes you toxic.
We, at some point in our lives, all have met people who deceived us, or hurt us in any way – and even after parting ways, we hold this anger or irritating feeling towards them. In the end, we get consumed by those emotions and we become toxic.
But let us face the reality.
Who loses when we hold grudges against anyone? US! Because we are allowing ourselves to lose our peace of mind from the things that are already “IN THE PAST”.
GRUDGES ARE UNHEALTHY
It’s both physically and mentally unhealthy for us to hold grudges. Grudges are like bottles full of our anger and remorse. Now when that bottle opens or breaks, we explode – and when we explode, we tend to suddenly forget what taking care of ourselves looks like.
WHY MUST WE NOT HOLD GRUDGES
If I’m going to look at some of the MANY reasons why we MUST not hold grudges… Here are my favorites:
- It makes us stuck, not being able to move on.
Who wants this, right? As much as possible, we want to leave the past as it is – especially when it’s awful. But in all honesty, how are we going to do that if we can’t let go of our baggage?
- It can still hurt us, BAD.
As long as we hold grudges, we’re allowing whatever or whoever to inflict the exact same amount of pain like they did the last time – and just like that, we’re back at it again, making us relive all the negative experiences over and over as if we’re in a trance.
- It makes you feel like you can never trust again.
You will find it hard to trust as all you see is either black or white. You think that only two things exist: the good or the bad, forgetting that somewhere in the middle, there are a lot of beautiful reasons and possibilities.
- You take it out on others.
Admit it or not, the moment you see some sign you have painted on your head after what has happened in the past – you immediately assume that everyone you see this into will automatically do the same thing to you. Hence, making you distance yourself or unconsciously be rude to them and still justify everything as an “I’m just protecting myself” kinda thing.
Sounds all bad, don’t they?
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Now that we’ve seen all the negative things it does to us, let’s take at our options so we can finally learn to let go of our grudges:
1. Acceptance
It already has happened, there is nothing that we can do any more or could have done, so it’s just the way that it is.
2. Forgiveness
It is admittedly hard to forgive whoever has wronged you, especially if they have done great damage.
But if I am to share a secret with you… You do not need to force yourself to forgive them, because all you need to do is…
FORGIVE YOURSELF.
Forgive yourself for letting yourself get hurt by others, or allowing them to hurt you. Forgive yourself that you failed to protect yourself from them before. Forgive yourself that you were not able to do what you think now that you should have done, let it all go… and forgive yourself.
The moment you forgive yourself fully is in reality the moment you find it easier to forgive them.
3. Remember that we are all JUST HUMANS.
We tend to get mad and irritated when we forget that we are all just humans who make wrong or bad decisions in life. Maybe they have reasons, or maybe they had no reasons and they were just in bad shape making bad decisions – regardless, we know that we have those moments too.
Maybe we overestimated them, or maybe we thought wrong of them. Whatever it is, the truth is, the majority of the disappointment always comes from people who “fail to do what we expect them to do” or people who “do what we do not expect them to do”. Let go of these, and things will be easier.
4. Do not play the role of the victim.
Now, this does not sound good at all but hear me. You are the one in control of your life, so you have the power to decide what can make you happy, and what can hurt you.
It’s time for you to tell yourself, “these types of things cannot hurt me”, and live it. Remember, YOU have the power, so do not give them an inch of it.
2 Dimensions Of Forgiveness
Forgiveness has two independent dimensions:
- Intrapsychic state (letting go of inner anger and resentment), and
- Interpersonal act (telling the offending person “I forgive you”).
Now, which sounds better?
Remember to always choose 1, and that the number 2 is always optional. The Intrapsychic state is for your own peace of mind. If you do not do this, you will never have peace of mind. Meanwhile, the interpersonal act may or may not benefit you – depending on how you feel. If it makes you feel better saying it, go on but if it doesn’t because you never want to be associated with the person ever again – then you do not need to.
You can always forgive silently. You are not responsible for letting them know that you do, as much as you’re never responsible for helping them break free from their personal guilt.
RELEASE YOURSELF FROM THE STRESS
All these grudges do nothing to you except stress you out.
You may have a grudge against anyone, or against yourself – but whoever it is against, it’s important for you to remember that “THE GRUDGE ONLY HURTS YOU, NOT ANYBODY ELSE”.
So in reality, it can do nothing EXCEPT hurt you more, or stress you out more.
So instead, start thinking positive thoughts – keep up the positive spiral – live the life YOU want to live and you will be happier.
