Do you sometimes have an odd feeling about a person in your social circle and you can’t really put your finger on what it is? They are not a line with you, and in a way you sense them as toxic. They are somehow stealing your energy and they don’t give you anything back they just steal from you.

You know what, you are probably right. Because this can be very stressful and it’s very common, and most people have these kind of people somewhere in their relationships.

They are toxic and you know what, maybe someone will think the same about you and you don’t know it. But the point I’m trying to make is that we are all different personalities you know, and that’s just the way it is.

It doesn’t mean that you are better than me, or that I am better than you or that they are better than anyone else. It’s just that we are different, and that’s the way it is. That’s part of biology and we are all on the communication map and depending on where you are, and depending on where the other people are, you are either in line with each other or you are not in line with each other, and if you’re not in line with each other you’re kind of talking different languages and that is stressful, and it takes energy. It really does take energy.

When you are with people that you feel are taking your energy you might even behave like another person. It makes you do different things, things that you don’t want to do, makes you hide, it makes you avoid things. It makes you another “you” (a false you) than the one that you want to be, and I know this is really tough, and it’s very stressful and it’s it’s not gaining you anything.

If you are like this then I have a tip that I use with my clients to help them think in a way that will benefit them, when it comes to these people. The tip is first you make a list of people you know and put them into lists. You divide them into family, work, activities in your free time, relatives etc. You have  different gangs of people that you know, and that you are meeting every now and then in one way or the other.

These people can be of two different categories. When you have these lists you look at them and there are maybe a handful at the most, I would say, of people that you are not in line with, people that you really don’t want to be with, people that are taking your energy more than giving it, and you just don’t know what to do with them because they’re there, and they are in your circles. Of course you do not want to go up to them and tell them to get out of your social circle because that would not be appropriate. They can be two different kinds these people. They can be the first kind which is:

Ones that you really still have to deal with because they are part of your workplace or they are relatives and you just can’t shut them out.

The other people are the ones that are just friends or acquaintances and you really don’t have any major connections or projects with them. You don’t really have to talk to these people but they are in your circle anyway. So these are two different kinds.

The ones that you have to deal with one way or the other and the ones that you don’t have to deal with.

The second kind you can decide to just not be with them, you don’t have to invite them to anything and you don’t have to go and talk to them. You just don’t do it. I don’t mean that you should be rude if you meet them, you should definitely be very nice. And now that you know that they are the ones taking your energy you can kind of be even nicer because they can’t harm you anymore, because you know that this is the problem and you can avoid it. You can say no, you can leave and you can do that in a nice way. So those people are the ones that just don’t mingle with if you don’t have to, and if you do just be nice and move on.

The first kind that we talked about, the people that you do need to tackle one way or the other, you have to kind of discuss with yourself and ask yourself – what the relationship is to you and how important it is?

If it’s at work, how much do you have to work with them? Is there anything you can do to change that, or if you have to work with them now you know you can set the rules for what you’re going to say yes or no to. Since you now know this is what’s happening, they are not gonna take your energy anymore because that’s your choice. You are in charge of your own life now and your own thoughts. So you can say no or you can deal with it in a much easier way. Next up you have the relatives. It’s the same with them if you do have to talk to them you just be nice, and you just choose not to get involved too much with them.

When you know how to deal with this it’s so much better for your health, because you are going to feel so much healthier and less stressed just by knowing who the people are that have been taking your energy, and how you can take control of that by just simply bringing the issue to the surface for yourself. You recognise what the problem is and say, OK they are people you just don’t like and they probably don’t like you, so you’re just going to be nice and polite to each other when you need to and for the rest of the time you’re not going to be mingling at all. I hope this helps you.

If you need help to structure this to take these steps and make this a reality in your life, then please click this link and we can set up a short free chat to get you started.

If you have colleagues or friends that would need this kind of information feel free to share the link to this video with them.

So to a healthier you with healthy relationships.

Good luck with your work!